Herding Cats: My Home School Journal

My Daughter Finally Stopped Screaming

2009-03-19T20:39:00.004-04:00

I have been listening to my daughter, screaming in her room for the last 15 minutes. She's upset because she didn't get her way--I put her to bed before she finished her project. I always give a 5 minute warning before I interrupt playtime, and bedtime is at 10 o'clock, not 8. So this completely surprised her.

The reason is this: consequences. I told them to pick up the books. They didn't listen. And so the privilege of staying up late was taken away from them. It was beautiful.

I loved the book Listen to Your Kids So They Will Talk and Talk So Your Kids Will Listen. In this book, discipline was mostly based on consequences and giving limited choices, but I had a hard time applying this principle. Not because I didn't agree with it, but rather because I wasn't quick on my feet to find the appropriate consequence for the situation or to offer the right choices. And then when I did think of it, it seemed like the opportunity had passed.

Then I read Positive Discipline. They also talked about consequences and limited choices, and I understood the concept better. And the choices thing--well, I was finally able to implement that quite effectively. But not the consequences part.

Earlier this week, I picked up Kevin Leman's Have a New Kid by Friday. He has a five day battle plan, based on the idea that we are not slaves to our kids wishes. We are not here to see to their happiness and success. Instead, we are here to instill in them strong character traits, right behaviors, and good attitudes.

He talks about responding rather than reacting. Many times, when I say, "Time for dinner--or bed or school time or cleaning up," they'll say "I'm busy right now." I'm a very laid back mom, and most times they get away with that. Other times, I get very angry and fly off the handle. Yelling about how angry I am. And then I'm the mommy, throwing a temper tantrum. Which just makes me feel like a terrible mom. That's what he means by reacting.

Responding is more thought out. He says give a command and walk away, as if you have every confidence that they will carry through. If they don't, there are no warnings, no lectures, no yelling, no spankings. Nothing. Until they come looking for something from you. Some special privilege that they always get. Milk and cookies after school. A toy when you go shopping. A special trip or outing on the weekend. The car keys so they can go to the mall. They'll throw a fit, thinking that you'll cave. And when you don't. When you just walk away from their fit. When you don't react at all. They'll wonder what just happened.

And they'll learn that they are not in control.

They'll learn mutual respect. It reminds me of when my kids were babies. They would wake up crying and want--not just to be comforted--but to have mommy at their beck and call. Mommy should feed them and comfort them and be available 24/7, right? Mommy doesn't sleep! And the time came when I had to put my foot down and not jump out of bed to answer them. They cried it out. And I felt miserable the whole time.

But the most amazing thing happened. Not only did they learn that they could put themselves back to sleep and that they were still safe without Mommy within reach, they learned that they don't control Mommy with their screams. Suddenly, they were humbler, sweeter, kinder, and more respectful, and not just at bedtime, but throughout the whole day.

That's what Kevin Leman's book Have a New Kid by Friday is about. So far so good. They stopped screaming, and tomorrow morning, they will think twice before ignoring me. However, I am sure the battle has just started. They will test me resolve.

the power of imagination

2009-02-08T16:33:00.003-05:00

I sat at the table, drinking my coffee, and Makani pretended that her hand was a coffee bug, trying to drink from my cup. Oh no, children don't get coffee, I explained.

"But this is a baby coffee bug," Makani told me. "Mommy coffee bugs have to give their babies coffee so that they'll grow hair to survive the winter. Mommy and Daddy bugs don't drink coffee. Just the babies."

And then she was off, racing into some unseen world that I couldn't see or touch. She described for me the anatomy (101 legs), the habitat, and the culture--and probably anything else you can think a bug encyclopedia might tell you about bugs. It probably took her an hour or more.

A year ago, it was hole hogs--shortly after ground hogs day. I think that's where she got inspired for this creature. Hole hogs have beaver tales and build houses and love their young. Hole hog babies know that their mommies and daddies love them. For weeks, our couches were torn apart because the cushions were used to build hole hog houses.

And several years before, it was Big Sister Dog. She was blue and bigger than Clifford, and she had a long, long neck and wings. She would eat the clouds and breathe fire. When there was a fire or someone in trouble, she was always there to rescue puppies and people. Big Sister Dog went with us everywhere.

On the other hand, Rowena--though she does pretend at times--is very practical. If you say, "There's a rug on the floor," she would say, "No, that's a blanket." If you suggest to drink tea out of an empty teacup, she'll point out that there is nothing in it. Or if you call her a puppy because she is pretending to bark, she'll say, "No, I am Rowena Karmelle Webb."

But she too has her own little stories. I loved watching her play with the Lego's she got for her birthday last year because it was the first time I got to see her create stories of her own. She built a pirate ship. But they were good pirates, she assured me. They had a pile of food stored on their ship. What did the pirates eat? Cookies, of course. But they also had good-for-you food too. What was that? Sandwiches.

She put all the pirates to bed and got them up and moved them about the ship and made them swim in the water. What a joy! I loved it. I would sit by and watch, asking questions now and then to help her flush out her story. But mostly, I just listened. My heart got all soft and mushy, and I thought I was going to cry happy tears. I hadn't expected to have such a vivid imagination.

This morning, Kaylee says to me as she looks out the back window, "T.J. Webb is outside in the snow because it is slippery." She pronounces each word so carefully and clearly. And I am just laughing inside. First off, it amuses me that she calls him by his first and last name, rather than "Daddy." But also, he isn't out there. He's in the bedroom getting ready for church.

I think it is their vivid imaginations that make my world spin around. Without it, parenting would lose its joy and delight. Then parenting would only be the endless task of herding cats in the direction you want them to go. And I would be a mess of frustration and anger.

Please comment and share some stories about your children and their imaginations.

too little butter

2009-01-28T13:27:00.003-05:00

That's how I feel lately. Like Bilbo Baggins said, Too little butter spread over toast. We have been sick and I am still recovering. Tired as I am, simple tasks seem overwhelming, like doing dishes, putting kids to bed, school time... It doesn't help that Kaylee woke us up three times last night and two times the night before.

It also doesn't help that I have been so focused on writing. This week, it was a race. Knowing that I would be starting a job next week, I wanted to be done. But then I want to be finished. It feels like it is long past time, and the act of polishing is becoming quite tedious. I am so close to finishing this book I can almost taste it. And there's a self-published book contest in May. If I can finish in February and publish in March, maybe, just maybe I could enter this contest in time.

I wonder how other mothers do it all because I sure know that I fall down and struggle and mess up so much. The house is a mess and I often feel 10 steps behind. There is only so much I can do in a day, and I wish I had two of me. One to clean and move the children in the right direction (to pick up their clothes and toys, to sit down and eat, to head off to bed), and one to do the schooling and the writing.

Kindergarten and preschool teachers have teacher aids. And I want one too. Someone to keep the focus and keep things moving and help me get things done. They would get the kids' breakfast while I put dinner in the crockpot, and then they'd do the morning dishes while I do schooltime. They would entertain Kaylee while I work with Makani and Rowena, and then I would sit down to write while they put the kids down for naps. They'd make sure everything was straightened up and put away and maybe do the laundry.

When nap time's over, the house would be wonderful, and there would be plenty of time to have dinner and do the dishes, and I would then have plenty of energy to play with the kids. After bedtime, I could write some more and still do schooling, parenting, and have a clean house. Oh yes, life would be great if I could duplicate myself for just the hours between 9 and 3.

Or be rich enough to hire a maid.

sibling love

2009-01-26T17:05:00.004-05:00

When Rowena was born, there was no sister prouder than Makani. Visitors would greet Makani first, the toddler who met them at the door, before they came to see the baby. They'd ask her how she was doing, and she'd just point at Rowena, as if to say, "See what I got?"

We took a few words of advice from a friend of ours--I can never thank them enough for their wisdom--and so when Rowena was born, we said to Makani, "See what we got for you! This is your new sister!" Makani ripped her little hat off and gave her a big kiss on the top of her head.

We brought Rowena home from the hospital and laid her on a blanket on the floor, and Makani pouted on the couch because we had stopped her from squishing her sister.

Memaw said, "She's jealous."

But I wasn't so sure about that. She hadn't shown any jealousy in the past, just a great desire to hold and pet and squish her sister. I said to Makani, "It's okay, you're allowed to be with your sister." Sure enough, Makani jumped off the couch and laid down beside Rowena, holding her hand. For an hour. They just held hands and snuggled, and Rowena sucked on Makani's fingers. There was no little girl happier than Makani at that moment.

When we brought Kaylee home two years later, Makani was happy. Rowena was not. She was jealous of Kaylee's time with Mommy, and she was jealous that Makani loved Kaylee so much. As time went by, it seemed that Kaylee was always on the outside. The Baby. Too little to join in and always causing trouble for her sisters. I knew we weren't having anymore children, and so Kaylee had no playmates.

I have learned that 2 children is easier than 1. Once the youngest is able to walk, they entertain themselves, giving parents some much needed free hands. But 3 children is harder than 1. I imagine that 4 would be easier. Then you have 2 pairs that can entertain themselves rather than 1 third wheel who wants constant parental interaction.

Maybe it was partially that I missed having babies that made me want that fourth child. For six years of my life, I was either pregnant or nursing, and I had many friends and relatives having babies. And my arms were empty. And it felt oh so strange. What was I going to do with myself?

I guess, as a mother, I had to redefine myself. I am more than a mother, but I am still a mother. Just a different mother. A mother of growing children, not a mother of babies. And I had to come to terms that there really would be no more babies in our family. Then I took the time to build a friendship between Rowena & Kaylee. Oh, Kaylee still seeks out Mommy to play rather than her sisters, but I no longer worry about her being friendless.

And I have become something more as well. I am a home school mom now, and I am a writer.

A couple months ago, I was walking across the church parking lot to the swing set with Rowena & Kaylee when another little girl--about 6 months older than Makani--came up to us. Kaylee said so clearly (remember she's only 2, so to understand anything she says is quite a feat), "This is Rena. She's a big girl." And that was also a triumph because that was the first time Kaylee had actually said Rowena's name. Before she had been "Kani" as if that was equivalent to "girl."

And again, yesterday at church, someone spoke to Kaylee about her pretty dress, and her immediate response was something about her sisters, Kani and Rena. That's her jumbled way of saying their names. She went on and on about them. I wasn't sure what she was saying, but she took this opportunity to tell this perfect stranger all about her world. And her world is these two wonderful sisters that she looks up to so much.

And so Rowena now has two sisters who love her and cherish her and brag about her to all their friends and everyone they meet.

all is not well

2009-01-21T13:05:00.003-05:00

There's nothing worse than sick children except maybe having sick children while you are sick too. This is our second weak of illnesses in the house. TJ got it first and then passed it to the kids, one at a time. On the one hand, it's nice to deal with one child at a time throwing up. On the other, I'd like to get it over with.

And I am sick too. * squeak * I was having a major gluten reaction, which started as feverish, achy skin and extreme fatigue and a strange rash on my arm and then left me with a sore throat and a cough and no voice. It laid me out for about 5 days, but now, I am actually getting much better. * cough *

Now that R is starting to eat a little, M is curled up on the couch with her throw-up bag. This virus seems to last about 4 days, so as she has just started last night, life will be very miserable for us.

Yesterday was TJ's birthday. His birthday wish for next year is that nobody throws up.

musings of a two year old

2009-01-19T19:44:00.002-05:00

I've tucked her in, given her kisses, and told her good night. I read her a story. Twice. And then another story. But she still doesn't want to let me go. She pats her pillow and says "Mommy sleep here." Her blue eyes look at me with expectation, and though I really want to read a book and write on my own book and browse the internet and send an email to a friend, I stop for just another moment to snuggle up beside her.

She insists that I've gotta get under the covers beside her, and so I crawl into her blankets and lay down. Then she sweeps her arms around me and gives me the biggest hug that touches a mother's heart and makes her melt. Then she rolls onto her back, and staring up at the ceiling, she begins to tell me about her day. Her brow is furrowed in a serious expression.

"My lips have colors." She touches her mouth with both her hands. I'm thinking about how great it is that she would say this. I've been pointing out colors more, and I've been reading more color books.

"That's right. You're lips are pink," I say.

"My lips are green." She runs her fingers over her lips, like she's smearing on lip gloss. "My lips are yellow and blue. Kani says something something something, and Rena says..." I can't quite make out what she's saying about what her sisters have told her. But it's quite important to her.

She tells me about a movie she watched. I only understand a few words--the names of the characters--but I just say, "uh-huh." It seems more important to me to let her share what's on her heart than for me to understand every word.

She continues talking for five minutes, and I wish I had a tape recording to remember every part of what she shared with me. To think what I would have missed if I hadn't stayed just a moment longer...

Knock Knock Jokes

2009-01-17T20:21:00.002-05:00

M has been telling Knock Knock Jokes, and she doesn't quite understand them yet. She doesn't understand the concept of a pun, so she tells the most bazaar jokes.

"Knock Knock," she says to me.

"Who's there?"

"Rita."

"Rita who?"

"Rita spider! Isn't that funny?"

She's six, and I think these jokes are great. But now she's got K doing them too. If M doesn't quite understand, K has no clue what she's doing. She's just two.

"Knock Knock."

"Who's there?"

"K."

"K who?"

"K and Mommy and M and R."

R hasn't really told me any knock knock jokes. I'm looking forward to what she comes up with.

Preschool / Kindergarten Gift List

2008-12-03T11:14:00.002-05:00

"Pick up your toys!" I yell. Again.

But when I look at how many toys there are, I realize that the task of cleaning up toys is overwhelming even to me. How much more so for a preschooler?

My Little Ponies. Tea sets with all the plates, cups, and tea pots. Stuffed animals. Legos. MegaBloks. Dolls. Doll Clothes. Little People. Barbies. Tool sets. Cars big. And cars little. Come on, how many toys do three little girls need?

Take away all their toys, and they will have fun just dancing in a circle, jumping, running, and playing with rocks and boxes. Do they really need all that they get for Christmas or birthdays?

So knowing that grandparents and aunts and uncles flood the kids with plenty of toys, we have tried to find a way to make gifts special without toys. So this gift list focuses on a preschooler's educational needs and helps to prevent an overload of toys.

Arts & Crafts:
Art keeps the kids busy and helps supplement our schooling. However, they already have paper, scissors, glue, and markers available to them. We are a home school family after all. These things have become the staple of our lives.

Therefore, focus on something special, like colored pencils or Crayola Mix 'Em markers instead of crayons. Or you could get a child's delight and a parent's worst nightmare: washable finger paints--hours of very messy fun!

Watch Me Draw and other art books give simple step by step instructions on how to draw animals, dinosaurs, and bugs. Add a quality sketch pad to allow them to collect their drawings together. Here's a list of different art books for ages 4 and up:

Browse an art store. There are many felt sewing crafts produced by Lauri Toys that have large plastic needles and pre-punched holes so that a preschooler can easily sew with some help. Check out some wooden models that you can build and paint together.

Reading & Math:
Try something new. Software like Reader Rabbit is a fun way to promote an early understanding of phonics and math. Reader Rabbit teaches the following skills in their interactive storybook games:

Phonics
Vocabulary
Spelling
Comprehension
Numbers
Problem Solving

For some great stories and fun characters, check out some of these picture books:

Skippyjon Jones by Judy Shachner
Follow the stories of Skippyjon Jones, a young Siamese cat, who travels to far away places with his vivid imagination. Down in Ol' Mexico, he battles a bumble bee and saves the frijoles for the Chihuahuas. His mother scolds him lovingly when that bumble bee turns out to be his birthday piñata and he has spilled jelly beans all over the floor.

Bear Snores On by Karma Wilson, illustrated by Jane Chapman
Some animals congregate in the great Bear's den while he slumbers through the winter. They pop corn. They brew tea. They dance by the firelight. And Bear misses the whole thing, snoring on through the winter storm. A pepper fleck wakes the Bear with a loud kerchoo, and the party stops with a fright. Everybody knows that you don't wake a bear!

Also check out other Bear stories like Bear Wants More.

Super Fly Guy by Tedd Arnold
Imagine taking your pet fly to school. He learns to read with you. He paints with you. And he goes to the lunchroom with you. And there he gets in trouble with the lunch lady Roz.

Check out other Fly Guy books like Hi! Fly Guy, which won the Theodore Seuss Geisel Honor Book Award.

Swim, Little Wombat, Swim! by Charles Fuge
Little Wombat laughs at Platypus and his funny waddle, but when he accidentally falls into the water and Platypus rescues him, he feels sorry for making fun. Instead the two become friends, and Platypus teaches Wombat how to swim.

Science and Math:
Try getting a magnifying glass as a stocking stuffer. It's fun for kids to carry about and explore the world around them. In the winter, they can inspect snowflakes, and in the summer, they can study insects and flowers.

Promote the fun of science with a science kit. You will find many different kinds available at teacher, hobby, and toy stores. Our favorite one for young kids is the magnet set. It's easy to use and has many fun, reusable projects. Our kids enjoy getting out the magnets and doing the same projects again.

Reasons to Ignore Parenting Advice

2008-11-28T16:02:00.006-05:00

Everywhere you go, people spout their opinions. In-laws and parents alike, neighbors, coworkers, people at church: they all have their opinions and freely tell you what you should and should not be doing.

Listening to wisdom is a good thing, but sometimes these people aren't offering wise advice. Sometimes they are just bragging about how much better they are, building themselves up at your expense. Sometimes they've never had children. Sometimes you watch them say some pretty nasty things to their own kids. Sometimes their advice just won't work for your family's needs.

And when you are a home schooling family, everybody feels the need to put in their two cents about your child's education. This often leads to carrying burdens that we would do much better without. Here are a few reasons to ignore unwanted and often foolish advice.

1. There is more than one way to solve a problem or to do something. You need to find the resources and the methods that work for you.

2. Every child is different. What works for one does not always work with another. I have three children, and I have to deal with each child differently. How much more so when you go from one family to another!

3. God put your children in your hands. It is your responsibility before the Lord to raise your children with wisdom and kindness and love and nurturing admonition. That job does not belong to anyone else.

4. Other people are not omnipotent. They do not have all the answers.

5. You can often get conflicting advice. One person tells you to make your child cry it out, but another says that is cruel. If you listen to everyone, you'll just tie yourself into knots.

6. And if you allow yourself to be sidetracked from your purpose by every wave of advice, then you will just be spinning in circles. You will lose your purpose.

I have had people tell me that my kids can't learn from me because I'll be too soft. Or I'll give them all the answers, and then they will only learn to depend on me. Or only a teacher can appropriately discipline a child. Or they won't get socialized. If I focus on these things (and there have been times that I have), I'll find myself trying to prove them wrong or be overly hard with the discipline or extra tough on their schoolwork.

And then home schooling has lost its joy for all of us.

Here I am saying to ignore the advice of others when I am writing a parenting / home schooling blog to give advice. But hey, even I can get on my high horse and spout nonsense every now and then. Even I can become all high and mighty and not really meet your needs as a parent.

So when someone does give you advice, look at it carefully. Ask yourself: Is this wisdom? Would this work for us? Is there a smidgeon of truth in this criticism? If so, what do I need to do about it? If not, be sure to move on and ignore it.

Finally, do your own research. Decide for yourself what is the best parenting approach, and then test all advice against your personal plan. Study up on wise parenting written by people you trust. I always enjoyed books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish or by Jane Nelson Ed.D.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids Will Talk is a practical guide to communicating with children. They tell you how to express yourself clearly, how to listen effectively, how to motivate, and how to discipline. But they don't just tell you what to do. They tell you why.

Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family is Adele Faber's and Elaine Mazlish's personal story as they learned to apply their parenting method to their children. Between the two of them, they had 6 children, and they relate honestly their own triumphs and failures. It made me feel less guilty for my own failures, and more humble about my triumphs.

Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson Ed.D. in some ways builds on some of the concepts I learned in Faber's and Mazlish's books. In other ways, she has her own perspective on discipline. I gotta say, discipline became a lot more effective when I applied her wisdom to my methods.

Toddler Gift List

2008-11-22T14:57:00.006-05:00

I admit that I am not looking forward to the toy dump we will get this coming Christmas. The last thing we need in our house is more toys. We have so many toys that I doubt that they can enjoy what they already have.

Knowing that grandparents and aunts and uncles flood the girls with plenty of toys, we have tried to find a way to make Christmas special without toys. When they were little, we focused on learning toys and art supplies. So here is a great list of educational things to get for young children.

Reading:

For her second birthday, little K got a LeapFrog Little Touch LeapPad for ages 6 to 36 months. Prior to getting this present, she had no patience to sit for a book. Suddenly, it seemed like a whole new world had opened up for her. She would love to sit on my lap and flip the pages. I didn't have to read or say anything. I would just watch as her love for reading blossomed.

From there, I started getting baby board books for her from the library. She was hooked. Sandra Boynton board books are colorful and cute as well as entertaining for child and adult alike. TJ and I exchange smiles at our favorite lines, and where we once quoted our favorite movies while cooking, you can now hear us saying, "But not the armadillo."

Like many children's books, Moo, Baa, La La La discusses the sounds animals make. Well, except that the three singing pigs don't say oink. They say, "La, La, La." I could easily read this book over and over again without getting bored or annoyed.

In But Not the Hippopotamus, the animals are all doing things together, except the hippo which just hides to watch everyone else have fun. Then finally the animals stop what they are doing and get the hippo to join in. Now all the animals are together. Well, except for the armadillo.

Dinos to Go is about 7 dinosaurs with different personality traits. One dinosaur named Hey-Ho Howdy sings loud, real loud, and I can't help but think of near and dear friends of ours that fit this description. Some of the pages get long for young ones. I would often read the first few lines for each dino, and then as the girls grew older, I'd read more of the descriptions.

Art:

M and R already have their own art supplies. Their own scissors. Their own glue. K has watched and wished. Christmas is a good time to get her some supplies of her own, but also art is a good way of keeping little hands busy. Toddlers are often left out of the school planning. We are often so focused on teaching the oldest their spelling words and teaching the middle one how to read that the youngest gets forgotten.

Putting the toddler at the table with a piece of paper and a pair of safety scissors is a way to keep them occupied while you teach. I like this particular pair of scissors. They are not sharp enough to hurt a child, but they still work well on paper. It took us a long time to find a pair of scissors that didn't leave both us and the child frustrated.

A bottle of Elmer's glue gives the child an opportunity to glue their cut pieces of colorful constructrion paper onto another paper. Scissors, glue, paper? Sound like a cheesy gift? Not to a toddler. Add some washable markers or better yet some Mix-Ems, and you will have hours of entertainment that keeps your toddler's hands busy and you free to work.

Keep these stored as part of your school supplies to control the mess and to help teach responsibility. Although these are gifts, it is okay to keep them in a cabinet to be used when you can oversee the projects.

Fine Motor Skills & Mathematics:

These toys are meant to build fine motor skills and are great tools for teaching mathematics as well.

Building with MegaBloks promotes hand coordination, spatial awareness, geometry, and imagination. Believe it or not, I have even used it for pre-reading skills by creating stories around the things we built. As my children grew, I used MegaBloks to teach other mathematical skills, such as sorting & classification, patterns, addition, and subtraction.

Stringing beads and lacing & tracing shapes are more great tools for keeping young kids busy. Keep some wooden puzzles, a toddler tote, a bag full of interesting rocks, another bag full of plastic lids, and some playdough, and you will have a wide array of interesting things for toddlers to explore at the kitchen table.

Book Review: My Cat, The Silliest Cat in the World

2008-11-20T15:38:00.003-05:00

My Cat, The Silliest Cat in the World

by Gilles Bachelet

I am an elephant girl. My husband loves wolves, and I like elephants. Our unity candle sits on the mantel, surrounded by wolf and elephant figurines. So when I say I liked this book, I gotta admit I am a little biased.

Reading this book to the girls was fun. With each page, M compared the "cat's" behavior to real cats. R just sucked her thumb and listened. And K scrunched her nose and said, "That's not a cat. That's an elephant." Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to write baby speak very well, so I cannot add the cuteness that she had when she made that statement.

I said, "Yes, that's not a cat, but the owner sure thinks he is." K just looked more deeply at the pages. This was a new concept for her, calling something by something other than what it is. She was quiet for a few moments. I wonder what her little brain was thinking.

I love the pictures of the elephant doing cat like things, grooming, sleeping, and chasing a ball of yarn. Somehow the artist did a magnificent job drawing the elephant grooming in the same posture you would see a cat. Or the more amazing part was the Siamese cat-elephant, the Persian cat-elephant, or the calico cat-elephant. Sometimes it seemed as though my eyes were playing tricks on me.

In the end, the owner tries to find his cat's breed in a cat book. He decides his cat must not be listed in the book.

Excellent story. Very fun to read. I highly recommend that you check this book out from your library or buy it here.

Finding Creativity

2008-11-18T15:35:00.004-05:00

That's me in this picture. Being silly. Finding creativity. Finding myself.

I was browsing amazon.com for books on writing, which led me to books on writing about motherhood, which led me to a book called The Creative Family. The picture intrigued me. It made me feel homey. It made me yearn for home and family and children. And creativity.

So I used the Amazon's Look Inside feature to read a few pages. Chapter one was a very simple concept. "Teach your children to be creative by being creative yourself." Hmm, I already know that. But oh, it felt so good to hear it. I'm not sure what it was that made her words so much more powerful, but I felt a yearning waken in me.

Oh, I am creative. I love to draw and write and scrapbook. But somewhere along the line it stopped being an exploratory pursuit and turned into something else to do. It stopped being play and started being a job. Something more to get done. Something more to accomplish. Another short story. Another article. Another home school assignment.

I wanted to be a kid again and just enjoy art for the sake of art. Not to improve myself or make some money or be a better mother or make my house more beautiful. But instead, just to have fun.

With this thought in mind, I decided to be more playful during bedtime routine last night. Little R brought me some "soup." She had a bowl, a toy cat, and spatula. "I'm mixing," she said proudly to me.

"Are you making cat soup?" I said, making a yucky face.

"Eat some, Mommy!"

"Oh no, yucky, yucky, yucky!" I shake my head and make faces. She laughs.

She insists. I must try the cat soup.

I pretend to take a tiny, tiny sip. And then proceed to make the most horrible faces. She laughs again. But now the laughter is deeper, as though it came from the belly.

For the next five minutes, I proceed to exaggerate the most extradorinary expressions of disgust. And let me tell you, it felt so good to be kid for just five minutes. It was freeing. When it was done, I tucked the girls into bed, which they jumped into bed more readily than usual. They hugged me more tightly. And there was a deeply satisfied spark of happiness and contentment in their eyes that hadn't been there in a long time.

I imagine my eyes looked about the same.

Something profoundly spiritual had occurred in that playful moment. As though I had found myself once again. As though the years of stress and the heavy burdens of adulthood had fallen away.

Book Review: Tiny and Bigman

2008-11-17T13:53:00.002-05:00

Tiny and Bigman

by Phillis Gershator

Miss Tiny is not really so tiny. She is so big and strong that it keeps her from getting married. Nobody wants to marry her because she makes them feel weak and useless. Well, that is until she meets Mr. Bigman, a tiny, weak little man who moves to the island.

I never liked women's lib stories for children. The promotion of the powerful woman at the expense of the weak man seems a bit like a childish competition to me. When M says to R, "I'm faster than you," I always say, "It's not a competition. It does not matter how fast you did something, what matters is that you did it in the first place." If you need to make someone else feel weak in order to feel strong, then there's a problem.

However, this story really isn't about the promotion of the strong and powerful woman at the expense of man. It is really just a sweet love story about a woman who loves to help others and how she finds her perfect match.

I love the cadence of this story. I can't help but fall into a little bit of an accent myself as I read outloud to the kids. And I'm not one for accents, yet this book just begs for it.

The pictures are colorful, illustrating a world and a culture that my kids have never experienced. Books are the road to experience new things, and this book brings that to life.

At the end, I always repeat the words from the story, "...kiss, kiss, kiss her on her soft brown cheek," and give them all hugs and kisses. Then they beg me to read it all again.

Book Review: The Princess and the Pizza

2008-11-15T12:13:00.000-05:00

The Princess and the Pizza

by Mary Jane and Herm Auch

I want to retell the whole story from the beginning. I want to tell you every word about the witty princess and her side comments.

But oh for Pete's sake, that wouldn't be fair! Besides, I don't think I could do it justice. I know our kids loved the book, but not as much as we did. They didn't get it when the princess had to pass the pea in the mattress test and said, "This is so once-upon-a-time!" They didn't get it when the princess said "Oh for Pete's --- aaah," and this named the first pizza.

They didn't get it when the princess ran away, refusing to marry the prince, and started her own pizza parlor.

But they liked it all the same. And we still laugh together about the princess and her accidental pizza pie. And we still remark, "Oh for Pete's sake," and our children look at us like we are crazy.

5 secrets for busy mothers

2008-11-14T14:02:00.004-05:00

A bit of wisdom that I have learned in the past and need to learn once again:

1. Get up while the house is still quiet. Get your breakfast. Get your shower. Have a moment to drink your coffee and plan your day. You are worth the extra effort to take care of yourself before you start to serve others.

If you let them wake you, you will be 10 steps behind the rest of the day. And you will be too tired and grumpy to tackle the day's challenges.

2. Keep a journal. Write your thoughts and contemplate yourself. Take the time to recognize your emotional state. Emotions are often warning messages, helping you know when to rest and when something is not healthy. Take the time to ask yourself who you really are. Knowing yourself and finding yourself are integral for good parenting. Then take time to pray and read a Bible verse.

3. Find time to exercise. When the children are grown and you face yourself again, you will wish that you had taken care of yourself. Just as it is not your wish for your children to be unhealthy, it is not God's wish for you either. He cherishes you just as you cherish your children. Parental duties and jobs should never get in the way of this.

4. Eat lunch. And have a snack. At the end of the day, I find that I snap more. Why? I don't feel hungry, but once I've eaten dinner my mood improves. We are finite people. Only God is infinite, and we are dependent on water, food, and God to nourish our lives. So don't be a martyr and eat something.

5. Talk quiet walks frequently. Not for the purpose of exercise. Not for some goal. Just for the chance to meander and to be quiet. To have solitude. Parents are goal-oriented. Everything we do has a purpose, whether it is to cook dinner, buy groceries, pay the bills, or get some exercise. We are always striving.

However, children are experience-oriented. They do stuff for the simple joy of being. Growing up has made us lose that eternal quality of just being.

Herding Cats

2008-11-13T12:17:00.003-05:00

Chaos. That's all I can say to describe most mornings in our house. No wonder we're always late everywhere we go. I'm not one of those mothers who have everything under control. I'm just not naturally organized. What little organization I have, I've worked hard to obtain. And if I'm not careful, it all slips away.

Shoes are not always where they are supposed to be. And now that it is getting colder, we have to hunt down coats. Why are the only shoes in the closet sandles? Little K runs around in her pull-up, still wearing her pajama top and she has one sandal on the wrong foot. No pants. No socks. And one wrong-seasoned shoe. Little R is still asleep. And M, also still in her pajamas, is starting an art project.

And we should have left 15 minutes ago.

Food is on the table. But nobody is eating.

And once everyone is ready, I realize that I didn't even brush my teeth yet!

Herding Cats. Yes, that's exactly what our life is like.

Taking a Midday Break: a parenting necessity

2008-11-11T16:52:00.004-05:00

My husband TJ has been the stay-at-home dad throughout the early years of all three of our children. When the second little girl was born, our oldest stopped napping. At 1 year and 9 months, she was alert and happy and did not seem to need the extra sleep anymore.

Poor TJ. He would run all day, taking care of a newborn and a toddler. He'd miss lunch, and by the end of the day, he was tired, grumpy, and unbearable.

Parents are on duty 24/7, and those that are home all day never get a break. There are no coffee breaks. There is no lunch break. There is no time to shut your eyes and take a deep breath. Because the moment you do, there are children clambering for something. "More milk, Daddy!" "I want to wear these clothes now." "I gotta go potty!"

Once you add home schooling to your parenting duties, forget having any down time. Your down time is spent with lesson plans and cleaning up art supplies.

TJ and I had a big fight one night when M was 2 years old and R was just 6 months. He hadn't eaten all day, and we went grocery shopping directly after I got off of work. Was it 8 or 9 o'clock when we got home? I can't remember, and he was hungry and had a migraine. I ruined his pizza, and he flew off the handle.

"All right, that's it," I said. "They must all go down for naps at the same time from now on. M does not have to sleep. Just let her play quietly in her room for an hour and a half."

To this day, we still have that policy. Sure, M is 6 and doesn't need the extra sleep, and R is 4 and rarely sleeps during the day. K is 2 and still needs to sleep most days. But we still need the break every day. We still need a moment to collect our selves, plan the rest of the day, and eat lunch.

The kids benefit too. The tendency in our day and age is to over schedule our days and to plan too many special events for our children. As home schooling parents, we sometimes feel the need to make up for whatever they might be missing from school or to prove to in-laws that the children really are excelling at everything. But specialists have discovered that children need downtime and unorganized play to develop. Quiet time is as good for them as it is for us.

How do you entertain younger children while home schooling?

2008-11-09T16:47:00.002-05:00

Busy schedules and young children don't always mix well in a home schooling family. What do you do to keep your children involved or occupied?

Do you give them an age appropriate activity that does not require your help?

Or do you get them involved in your lessons?

Please share with everyone and include your children's ages.

humility

2008-10-27T10:39:00.004-04:00

Humility is simply this: knowing yourself. When you see yourself as you truly are, then you can say that you are humble, and to see yourself as you truly are is to see yourself as God sees you. This means that you do not allow anyone, not your parents, not your in-laws, not your neighbors, affect how you see yourself. Instead, you cling desperately to God's vision that he has given you.

I have taught classes and have discipled people on the topic of humility. Yet, I am not humble. God has given me a beautiful vision of myself, and yet I have been swayed by the opinions of others. I have let my mother-in-law's negative words cripple me. I have let strangers influence the way I dress and how I carry myself. I have let people at church damage my relationship with God because I was more concerned about their rejection than God's opinion.

And now I know longer know who I am. I don't know if I have any value. I don't know if I am any good at anything. I don't know my strengths or weaknesses. I don't know why anyone would like me. When the day is done and I have fulfilled all my duties, is there anything left of me worth caring about?

Thus I have secluded myself to be alone with God. I have taken long walks alone in the park with Jesus at my side, and I poured my heart out to him. It is only in him that I can find myself again. And find healing from the frustrations and depression that has nagged me.

This is a home schooling blog, but no home school teacher can teach from an empty spirit. We all need to be renewed each day, or our lessons will be empty and flat. If we are not alive at the very core of our being, then parenting and home schooling will be another chore, and our children will suffer.

Take a walk. Get away. Find a moment of solitude. Find yourself again.

Celebrating Successes to Beat Depression

2008-10-21T10:20:00.004-04:00

As a home schooling parent, I sometimes get lost in the worry that I am not doing enough. I am sure the whole world over, parents struggle with this issue, but when parents decide to take responsibility for their child's education with home schooling, it's as though that worry gets amplified ten times over.

Lately, I have felt a bit like a hypocrite. I write about parenting and home schooling, and although I do follow my own advice, I don't feel like I really do have it all together. Especially not right now. I'm a working mom, and I'm about to lose my job. So in the midst of home schooling, I have to keep working at my current job and find another one.

Only, there are no jobs in my field in the city where I live. All the jobs are located in the bigger city to the south of us. With the housing market the way it is, we are trapped in our house unless we decide to abandon it, ruining our credit in the meantime. Otherwise, I will have a long commute, and rather than being away from home 9 hours a day, I could be gone 10 or 11 hours a day.

I have cried myself to sleep several nights in the past two weeks. And with the feelings of discouragement and fear, I have been very negative with my words. I have railed at God, and I have said some very foul things about myself.

I decided today that I need to say something good about myself. I hate to hear my children speak negative words, and when I hear it come from their mouths (which thankfully is rare), I immediately make a move to build them up. Why is it that I don't give myself that same grace?

1. I hugged and kissed my children before bed last night and again this morning before I left for work.
2. I hugged and kissed my husband ten times this morning just to be sure he knows I love him.
3. I packed a tasty, gluten free salad for lunch today, taking good care of my health and tantalizing my taste buds. (roasted pumpkin seeds, ham, mozzarella, spinach, tomato, and avocado with olive oil & garlic vinegar dressing) It is important to eat healthy, but it is even more important to enjoy every bite.
4. I take time aside to exercise with my husband several times a week. It's good for me, but it is also good for him. In this way, I help to take care of him while I take care of myself.
5. The days that I don't exercise with my husband, I often get the family out for a walk in the park, so that we all move together. This is having family time, sharing the joys of nature with my children, and teaching my children to exercise.
6. I am not a helicopter mom. I don't hover too close, and I don't give constant instructions. I don't do everything for them. This means that they aren't dressed like perfect angels with spotless clothes and their hair done with cute little ribbons. I sometimes feel like a failure for this, but I believe it is better for them to dress themselves than that their clothes match and that they have the right kind of shoes for their outfits.
7. I actually get down and play with my kids.
8. I try to listen to my kids. I try to stop and hear what they are trying to tell me. Sometimes I have to stop daydreaming first, but I do get down on my knees to be eye level with them and hear what they say.
9. I spend time doing what my husband is interested in. I quite happily follow him into whatever adventure he has for us. I play his games, watch his movies, and enjoy every minute of it. I talk about the geeky things he likes, and he is always so proud to tell his friends about how geeky his wife is.
10. I have written a 450 page novel. That is by no means a small task. OK, there are many people who write novels and think its good when it is just crap. I have learned quite a bit about writing in the past year, and I know when I started what I wrote was crap. My characters were flat, the detail was empty, and my plot had holes. I kept coming back to it and changing it, making it grow into something better. I didn't give up.
11. I always keep moving forward. I never give up. No matter how discouraged I get, I am not a quitter.

If you also feel down and discouraged, please make a list like this. Keep going until you finally believe the good words you are writing.

5 Hands-On Geography Activities

2008-10-15T15:25:00.002-04:00

There is more to geography than memorizing states and capitals and studying maps. If you make geography an experience to remember rather than facts and information to recite, you and your child will have a lot more fun along the way.

Explore the world with a compass.
Take a walk around your neighborhood or hike through the park while carrying a compass. Take a compass to the mall or the grocery store. Let your kids carry a compass while they ride in the car. This helps orient a child to their world, making them pay attention to where they are and teaching them how to navigate.

Draw your own maps.
Maps tell you where things are and how to get there. However, maps don’t need to be fancy. As you explore the world with your compass, draw maps of what you see. Draw a map of your house, your neighborhood, your grocery store, or your park.

After drawing a few small maps of your local areas, expand your domain. Look at a real atlas to see how they designate rivers, deserts, and mountains, and then use that as a guide as you build your own world atlas.

You can even have a little fun by drawing maps from stories. Based on the age group of your children, you can build a map for Clifford’s neighborhood, for the barnyard where Charlotte weaves her web, or for the four kids who traveled through Narnia.

Tell stories about your maps.
What happened as you walked around your neighborhood? Tell a story about it as you draw your map. Telling stories builds memory, communication skills, and confidence, so swap some tales as you color.

Add a little imagination and sail the Nile River on a raft. Climb to the top of Mount Everest and have a picnic with a mountain goat. Walk the entire length of the Great Wall of China. What do you see along the way? Who do you talk to?

Write your stories down and compile your maps and stories into a book that you can read again and again. This can be a project that grows over the years.

Experience different cultures.
Russia is the big country in the northeast corner of our world atlas, but what is it like to actually experience Russia? What do the people like? What kind of clothes do they wear? What kind of music do they listen to? Do they dance? Do they sing? What do they eat? How do they work? How do they live?

Answer these questions by eating their foods, wearing their clothes, and listening to their music. Learn some words of their language, and read books about children in that country. Maybe you could even find a pen pal your child can write letters to. Suddenly, you will find Russia is no longer a big orange smear on the map. It has come to life.

Travel.
As a child, I lived in Texas, and most of our extended family was in Wisconsin and Michigan. This means that every year, we had a long road to travel to visit our family. I remember every landmark along the way. I remember the little lazy town where our car broke down, and I remember the excitement over crossing each state border.

As an adult, my husband and I moved out west for a short while. The seven day road trip is memorable, and we still laugh at the South Dakota road signs. I loved driving through the mountains of Minnesota and snapping pictures of the pica that scampered across the road. We drove through Yellowstone and experienced wild bison, and I watched a beautiful green-blue Oregon river turn muddy brown from pollution.

Ask me to fill in those states on the map, and I can now easily list them all. But even more, I remember the terrain and what made each state different than the others.

The wonderful thing about home schooling is that you don’t have to wait for summer to take a vacation. Bring your schoolbooks, pack your paper and pencils, and hit the road.

China

2008-10-13T12:49:00.008-04:00

Chinese Culture

China (A to Z) by Justine Fontes and Ron Fontes

This book is an encyclopedia of China, describing everything from animals to buildings to cities to dress. The book even includes some Chinese words. Easy to read, beautiful pictures, and wonderful information.

Children of China by Jacqueline Buksh

This chapter book describes life for four children in China. Written from each child's perspective, this story talks about daily routines, family life, things the children learn in school, and things they see around them. Nice descriptions and beautiful dialog.

Chinese Stories

The Pet Dragon by Christoph Niemann

A little girl named Lin has a pet dragon. Together the two cause trouble until one day Lin's father says that the dragon must be put in a cage. The next day, her dragon is missing and searches China to find her dragon. Along the way, we learn some Chinese symbols, which are cleverly incorporated into the art work. Every page introduces two or three new words in a way that is very easy to remember.

Warning: For those of you who are concerned about magic, there is a shaman/witch included in this story. If your religious beliefs are against this, you can avoid this book or you can use it as a means to discuss the topic with your children.

Two of Everything by Lily Toy Hong

This Chinese folktale is about Mr. and Mrs. Haktak, a little old couple who struggle to survive until they find a magic copper pot that duplicates everything they have, including them. Beautiful artwork and a cute story.

Favorite Children's Stories from China & Tibet by Lotta Carswell Hume and Koon-Chiu Lo

A book full of folktales from China, depicting life and customs in a witty and charming manner.

Chinese Food

Visit an authentic Chinese restaurant with someone from China. Let them order for the table and then eat family style.

You can also experience Chinese food at home. We often eat Asian Beef and Broccoli at home. This recipe has been altered to accommodate gluten-free cooking for those who have that problem as I do.

Ingredients

Head of Broccoli, chopped

Thin Beef Steaks, cut into strips

white pepper, to taste

salt, to taste

1 tbsp corn starch

1 tbsp sesame oil

1 tbsp gluten-free soy sauce (or you can skip this if necessary)

1/4 cup beef broth

1 tbsp olive oil

ginger, freshly grated, to taste

garlic, minced, to taste

Rice, cooked

Steps

1. Boil the chopped broccoli for two minutes. Drain and set aside.

2. In a large frying pan, spray with cooking spray and cook the meat at medium high-heat.

3. As you stir the meat, add white pepper and salt to taste.

4. Turn the temperature down, and put the lid on.

5. As the meat browns, stir together the corn starch, sesame oil, and soy-sauce.

6. Pour the sauce and broth into the beef and stir briefly.

7. In a small frying pan, saute the ginger and garlic in the olive oil.

8. When the garlic and ginger is browned (about 1-2 minutes), add it to the meat along with the broccoli.

9. Serve on rice.

The World of Plants: 5 Easy, Hands-On Activities to Learn About Science

2008-10-07T13:26:00.001-04:00

Plants are an important source of life in our world. They clean our air, they provide us with food, and they cool us in their shade. Around the world, people have found joy and peace in tending gardens and planting flowers. Learning about what makes plants grow and thrive is a constant process that many people take a lifetime to perfect.

The joys of learning can be given to your children when you teach them about plants using a hands-on process rather than from a textbook. When life and learning go hand-in-hand, children will continue to learn long into adulthood. These five activities can be done as part of your lifestyle or as a short unit study with your children.

Plant a vegetable garden together.
In the springtime, my children are right beside me, playing in the dirt and finding worms while I plant my flowers and prepare my vegetable garden. As they have grown older, I give them more to do to help. This has become our springtime routine so that from very young ages they have understood where plants come from and what seeds are for.

The book Square Foot Gardening is a great resource on gardening and vegetables. It contains information for beginners and experts alike, including charts on what plants to do each part of the year. I love this book and have followed this simple gardening method for years.

Sprout seeds found in the kitchen.
Collect several glass or clear plastic containers and fill them full of water and cotton balls. In the containers, plant popcorn kernels, beans, whole grain barley, fennel seed, or whatever whole foods you have in your pantry. You could even pick a few apple seeds out of an apple.

In several days, these seeds will sprout. You can see both the new seedling and its roots. If you would like to take this experiment further, you can transplant the seedlings into a larger glass full of rocks and water. The rocks will give the plants support as they grow.

Explore the parts of a seed and the parts of a flower.
Soak some beans in some water and set them on the counter for a day. The next day, peel off the outer layer of the bean, and pull the bean apart. Inside, you will see seedling curled up inside the bean. It has not yet received the right conditions to grow, but it is still there, lying dormant.

You can also take apart flowers. If you open them up carefully, you can inspect the pistil and the stamens. The best part is the seed pod, which may or may not be pollinated. My morning glories were excellent for this project. The seed pod was just the right size to inspect. When the seeds were pollinated, they were black. Otherwise, they were white. You can follow this up with an age-appropriate library book on the parts of plants and the lifecycle of seeds.

Make paint out of flowers.
Paint construction paper by crushing grass and different colored flowers against the paper with a rock. Cut out interesting shapes from the colored paper, like butterflies or stars. Then hang the shapes as a mobile. After doing this project, discuss and read about chlorophyll, the green pigment in plants, and how plants use chlorophyll to photosynthesize, which is the process of turning sunlight into energy.

This idea as well as many others comes from Janice VanCleave’s Play and Find Out about Nature, a book of easy science experiments for young children. Although the experiments are simple and easy for young children to understand, older children can enjoy them too.

Take a nature hike.
Bring field guides for trees and flowers to your local arboretum. Look up the trees and flowers you find to learn how to identify plants by type. You can start a nature journal by collecting samples, drawing pictures, and writing descriptions about what you see.

To Add to the Lessons on Money Matters

2008-10-06T14:04:00.006-04:00

Yesterday we went to the zoo on a small budget, and we got a lot of requests from the children. "I want cotton candy." "I want popcorn." "I want to ride on the train." "I want my face painted." I walked away remembering a lesson learned that I wished I had applied to our zoo trip. So here I am sharing my helpful hint with you, still wishing I had remembered my own advice.

So when going to special events (i.e. the zoo, the circus, an amusement park), give the children their own spending money. They have to balance the money between all of their wants. Then it is up to them to decide which is their most desirable purchase: cotton candy or getting their face painted? You no longer have to face all of their demands because they hold their opportunities in their own hands, and you no longer have to dealing with the whining when you say no.

I have done this before at the toy store. They each had $5 to spend, and we went through the store picking out things they liked. If they found something else other than what they originally picked, I would say, "You do not have enough money for both. Which one do you want more?" This was very successful for several reasons:

1. The choice is in their hands. They have to balance their money for themselves and decide what they really, really want.
2. With limited choices set before them, it is no longer up to us to be the bad guy. We no longer have to be the ones to say "no" yet again for another demand. They have to say "no" to themselves.
3. This teaches them the value of money. Money doesn't buy everything.
4. It also teaches them the wisdom of careful money use. Money should be used for the more important things rather than for everything.
5. When they whine about not getting what they want, you can put the ball back into their court. If they spend their money on popcorn and then discover an ice cream stand around the corner, you can say, "I am sure next time you will save your money until you know what you really want."

Book Review: The Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White

2008-10-03T11:03:00.004-04:00

The Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White

"Ko-hoh," the swans say, but Louis remains silent. Louis is a trumpeter swan with no voice. He befriends a boy named Sam and learns to write on the slate he carries around his neck, but he still cannot communicate with his swan friends who cannot read. When he falls in love with Serena, he cannot trumpet to her his love, so Louis's father steals a trumpet so that Louis could woo the love of his life.

However, by the time Louis receives his trumpet, Serena has flown north with other swans, and Louis is left with a stolen trumpet and the need to restore his father's honor by earning the money to pay for the trumpet. Louis learns to play the trumpet and uses his skill to try to earn enough money to pay back the music store.

The story is surely a bit unbelievable. How does a bird fly carrying a slate and chalk, a trumpet, a money bag, and a badge of honor? How does a bird beak make the right ombiture to blow into a trumpet? Yet, there are details that are in fact very true to animal behavior, like how a mother bird chooses a location and builds her nest and how baby cygnets are raised.

Louis is a very lovable character. He has honor as he makes amends for wrongs done. He has love as he demonstrates true friendship. He has courage in his adventures. In true E. B. White fashion, a wonderful story is weaved. We look forward to reading another chapter every night, and when the chapter is done, the kids beg for just one more chapter. Most nights, we agree since we didn't want to end either!

I highly recommend this book for grade schoolers. Enjoy!

Money Matters: Teaching the Value of Money

2008-09-30T15:42:00.001-04:00

Parents often say, “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” This saying is much more than an excuse not to buy the latest toys. Money’s value comes from labor. Adults have to earn it to live. We get our paychecks from the goods and services that we offer our employers, and in the same way, we give money for the goods and services that we receive from others.

Therefore, a child must learn that money is received when they have earned it. I recommended this idea to someone who was having trouble getting their teenager to do their chores, and his response was, “I don’t want to bribe her.” But if our employers did not bribe us, we would not work for them. We would find a better employer.

In earning money, children learn to balance wants with income. They can decide for themselves if the toy they want is really worth the effort of saving up to buy or if they want something else instead. No longer is it up to us to provide everything, and they learn how to make choices for themselves.

For us, I have a morning and evening routine. In the morning, they get themselves dressed and ready for the day, make their beds, and put away their pajamas. In the evening, they put on their pajamas, put away their dirty clothes, and clean up their toys. For each morning and for each evening routine they complete, they get a quarter, which could be fifty cents a day. Each week, their routines are posted on their doors.

Here are some ideas on teaching children the value of money:

1. Set up a lemonade or ice cream stand. Have them buy what they need out of their own allowance or have them pay you back from their earnings.
2. Set up an art gallery for them to sell their best artwork or arts and crafts, or have an art show and charge a small admission fee.
3. Help them offer their services to neighbors and friends for a small fee. Older children can start babysitting or lawn mowing businesses. Younger children can pick up sticks or plant flowers.
4. Plant a garden together and sell or trade your produce to your neighbors.
5. Write an illustrated children’s book together. Have it bound at a local shop, and sell it to family and friends.
6. Have a bake sale. The children can help plan, bake, and collect the money.
7. Have a garage sale, and let them select some of their old toys to sell.
8. Have a car wash.

To follow up with these activities, the book Sluggers Carwash by Stuart J. Murphy is a great story about money for young gradeschoolers.

Money Matters: Teaching Wise Money Habits

2008-09-26T11:03:00.000-04:00

There are only three things a person can do with money: save it, give it away, and use it. As adults, we have to balance those things to have healthy finances. We must save to prepare for hard times and for big purchases we may want, and we must use money to eat and live. Giving helps keep our lives in perspective, reminding us of the troubles that others face.

Children need to know this too. They can learn by example as they watch us balance our budgets, plan our resources and spending, and give to charities. As you deal with your finances, keep your children involved. Talk to them about what you do, explaining why and answering their questions. Then help your children of all ages to separate money for savings and for charity before they spend their money.

Since I pay my young children in quarters, I have them separate them into groups of ten. Out of each group of ten, they set one aside for savings and one for giving, and with the rest they can trade four quarters for a dollar.

Here are some ideas on keeping your children involved in your finances:

1. Plan a dinner menu and build your grocery list from it. Have your child help you do this.
2. Take you child grocery shopping and have them help you compare prices.
3. Plan your monthly expenditures, including savings, giving, grocery budget, and bills. As you sketch it all out, show your child what you are doing.
4. Plant a garden or visit a farmer’s market with your child. Talk about the value of fresh, quality produce and cost effective use of our money.
5. Plan a major purchase for the family (like new furniture or a new car) with your child and set money aside for it each week.
6. Help a child plan for something they want. Create a goal chart together, and designate a bank where they can save their money.
7. Answer requests for something new with the statement, “There are lots of wonderful things in the store, but if we brought it all home, it would just clutter up our lives.”

Electricity & Magnetism

2008-09-25T12:00:00.006-04:00

In honor of our week and a half without electricity, I am writing about this really great book that describes electricity, how it works, how to create it, and how it travels through our neighborhoods and homes. Being without power, gave us the opportunity to review our lessons on electricity and magnetism when four-year-old R was quite confused and angry when the lights and TV did not work.

A few months ago, I read Switch On, Switch Off by Melvin Berger as part of our study on electricity and magnetism, and I learned a few things about electricity myself. I knew how that breaking a circuit ended the flow of electricity, but what I did not know was how the electricity was created in the first place. This science story book shows how magnets are used to move the electrons inside the circuit, and this is how electricity is created. A power plant uses large magnets to generate power, and we can do this on a small scale with a small wire and a hand-held magnet.

For Christmas last year, we got a magnet kit, which we have used all year. The kit comes with different shaped magnets and other tools with a long list of experiments. Janice VanCleave writes a full illustrated book just on magnet experiments that can be used with children from age 4 and up. We also read What makes a Magnet? by Franklyn M. Branley, an illustrated story book that explains why magnets work.

There are also electricity expermient kits and a Janice Van Cleave book on electricity, but what I think fascinated me the most was the electromagnetic experiments. One experiment in particular interested me. You will need a battery, a strip of tin foil, a circuit wire, and a strong, horseshoe magnet. Then follow these steps:

CAUTION: For safety reasons, all electrical experiments should be performed with a battery rather than an electrical outlet. A battery will provide only a small amount of electricity. Also, all experiments should be performed with an adult.

1. Connect the wire and the tin foil together.

2. Close the circuit by adding the battery.

3. Put the horseshoe magnet over the tin foil strip.

Results: The tin foil will bend in response to the magnet reacting to the electricity passing through the tin foil.

Helpful Hint for Baby's First Foods

2008-09-17T10:24:00.004-04:00

I was going through my old cupboards and found cans of vegetables (peas, green beans, carrots), and I realized that I would never use them because I prefer fresh stuff. So I boxed them up to ship to someone I know who has a new baby, with a note on what I thought of as one of my more brilliant ideas.

With my first child, I bought those expensive little jars of nasty tasting peas and green beans, and other than the few basics, M doesn't really like her veggies. However, with my younger two, I bought salt-free canned veggies, mushed them with a fork, and fed them that way. They seemed to love it, and they very quickly grew to enjoy their vegetables.

I didn't just stop with canned vegetables. Overripe avocadoes and frozen spinach warmed in the microwave are also great first vegetables. Broccoli that has been steamed to the point that you can mush it with your fingers works as well. However, corn can be an allergen, so I recommend avoiding that one.

I used to buy fruits when they are fresh, particularly peaches and pears. In the summer, peaches are in season, which means they are always on sale, they are very tasty, and they are ripe enough to mush with a fork. Pears can sit on your counter until they are soft enough. Both of these fruits are great substitution for jarred baby food.

So here are a few reasons why this works:

1) Money. Saving money is a very good reason to use adult canned veggies. One no-name brand of salt-free green beans is 55 cents, close to the same amount of a jar of baby food. However, the quantity you get in a can of veggies greatly exceeds what you get in a jar of baby food. The can lasts for several meals.

2) Taste. No one is going to eat their vegetables if they don't taste good. Overcooked peas are awful compared to the fresh stuff. I always tasted the baby food before I served it because I could not in good conscience feed them something that I was not willing to eat. How can babies eat this stuff? is what I thought.

3) Texture. Texture aversion runs in my husband's side of the family. Baby food has no texture, but canned veggies smashed with a fork is small enough for a baby to eat and mush with their tongue but not textureless. That helps prepare them for textures when they are older, which means they are more likely to try new things.

4) Preparation. This prepares them for table food. They more quickly adjust to the flavors and textures of adult food.

Learning by Example

2008-09-13T15:10:00.002-04:00

I witnessed an argument between my two older children, playing in the oldest's bedroom. "Mommy, she won't share her blocks with me," M complained.

"She doesn't have to share," I explained. "Only toys for everybody are for sharing. Those blocks are hers, and she gets to choose whether she will share or not. Just as you have your own toys and can decide whether you want to share them. If you want her to share, you need to offer her an agreement."

Four-year-old R has her thumb in her mouth, scowling at me. "R, you do not have to share your blocks," I tell her, "but she is sharing her room with you."

M pipes up, "Either share your blocks or get out of my room. Your choice."

Did I just hear that right? Did she just say what I think she said?

She just took my discipline phrase and turned it into an assertive statement. She then used it to solve her own problem with her sister. I had modeled assertive behavior rather than passivity or aggressiveness, and she had learned by my example.

Discipline Model: Giving Choices and Clear Consequences

2008-09-12T14:15:00.005-04:00

There are only three ways to deal with a child's misbehavior. The passive approach allows the behavior to continue without even a verbal correction. I confess that in the past, this was my downfall. I had no clue how to balance mercy with discipline, and I felt guilty to make my children cry.

The aggressive approach seeks to make the child pay through deprivation, spankings, a battle of wills, or a timeout. In the end, punishment is about who wins the Biggest Temper Tantrum Contest. If the parent wins, the battle is delayed for another day; if the child wins, then the whole household is in trouble.

But discipline isn't a battle of wills or a way of making the child pay just because the parent isn't happy. No, discipline is a valuable lesson that parent has carefully planned for the child to learn. Discipline is only successful when the child learns a lesson that they can carry with them into adulthood. This is the assertive approach.

There are many tools in the assertive discipline approach. One method of discipline is to give a limited set of options. This allows the child some control over their lives and yet clearly sets the boundaries as well as the consequences.

"Either pick up your toys or I will confiscate them. Your choice." This example offers the child two options and outlines clear consequences. Sure, one option is not very nice to them, but they can very easily choose to pick up their toys. If they choose to test your resolve, follow through without lectures or anger or temper tantrums. Without a word.

When their toys are gone, they will think twice of testing you again. When they beg, whine, or scream, you can say, "I am sure that next time you will pick up your toys." Then walk away or you will be tempted to lecture, and honestly leaving them alone with their own thoughts is more than enough.

Here are some other examples:

Either sit still or we will sit in the car while everyone else finishes their food. (It might be frustrating to sit in the car yourself, but worth the lesson the child learns. Your next visit to a restaurant will most likely be more pleasant.)
Either eat what I've fixed for you or get yourself a sandwich. I am not making anything else. (A sandwich for dinner doesn't really hurt them, and forcing a picky eater to eat what they don't like usually just makes them pickier. Put some control in their hands, and they will enjoy eating much more.)
Either put your shoes on or I will march you to the car without your shoes. You can put them on in the car.
Use your words or go scream in your room. You can come out when you can talk to me in a reasonable tone of voice. (This is not a timeout. This is an emotional break. We all need them some times.)
Stop hitting your sister or go play by yourself.

I always like to add the words "your choice" to the end of this because it is a reminder to the child that it really is in their hands. When you follow through with firm actions, they will know that it was their choice that brought this.

Applying this type of discipline has brought a lot of changes in our household. There were some frustrating moments as my children tested my resolve, but each time, they became a little more humble, a little kinder, and a little easier to deal with. Most importantly, they learned a few lessons on appropriate behavior.

the world of insects

2008-08-08T12:24:00.006-04:00

"Hello there, stomach-foot!"

I hated science as a kid when it was about a boring test book and a list of terms that I needed to memorize for a test. "In 1736, so-and-so discovered such-and-such and called it a thingamajig..." Science wasn't about exploring; it was about passing the test.

And now I love science. Hands-on learning makes a difference. Who wants to read about insects when you can chase them, catch them, keep them as pets, and name them? And when you watch a snail squirm in your hand, learning the fascination facts about it seems so much more pertinent to life. Did you know that snails and slugs are called a gastropods, which means "stomach foot?" At rest, slugs look like nothing more than a ball of snot, but when they move, they suddenly form distinct heads with antennae that can change size, stomachs, and tails.

Grossed out yet? Or are you fascinated?

Pet Bugs

This summer, bugs have been our science focus, and thus we have attempted to set up some bug houses, butterfly houses, and capture some bugs to be pets. We checked out some good books and found a few tools like a butterfly net, a butterfly house, and a plastic terrarium. Then we went exploring in our own back yard.

We found a caterpillar and identified it as a Black Swallowtail, and we put it in our terrarium with some fresh leaves and wooden branches. Within two days, it formed a chrysalis. I started taking pictures every few days, and we kept track of what happened every day.

That is, until I found a wooly bear caterpillar and added it to the bug house. We were very disappointed when the new caterpillar ate the chrysalis before the butterfly emerged. I guess the leaves were not fresh enough, and the little caterpillar got hungry. However, that is the cool thing about hands-on science. Even when an experiment goes awry, you still learn something.

M carries slugs and snails, and R and K search under bricks for pill bugs. R finds worms, and in her gentle four-year old voice, she tells me how cute her baby worm is. They are exploring, and they are learning. And when I wonder if I do enough with their schooling, M tells her grandmother interesting bug facts that most children don't know, listing all the different names of pill bugs, how many legs they have, and what they do to survive.

Pet Bugs and More Pet Bugs by Sally Kneidel
These two books contain information on finding, keeping, and caring for specific kinds of bugs as well as information on the bugs behavior in the wild. Each bug is given several pages of detailed information. Therefore, these two books would make great field guides as well as being a pet guide.

The Insect Book by Connie Zakowski
Designed specifically for younger children, this book focuses on caring for a pet bug. Therefore, one page is given to each bug, giving precise and easy information for finding and feeding the bugs.

Insect Resources
Bugs are Insects by Anne Rockwell
This is a picture story book, and although it is designed for young children, it contains so much information about insects that I was so impressed and learned so much. Beautiful art, well worded and interesting prose, and it kept my 5 year old entranced. A year later, she still remembers the differences between bugs and beetles.

Wormology by Michael Elsohn Ross

Sometimes, our girls call worms "snakes," and I got this book with the intention of helping them learn the difference. This book does more than tell you how to keep worms as pets; it also describes experiments that you can do with them.

Janice VanCleave's Play and Find Out About Bugs by Janice VanCleave
This is an entire book of hands-on bug experiments designed for young children, ages 4 to 7. As with anything Janice VanCleave produces, the experiments are very exciting and original. I have found that you can't find the science experiments she suggests in any other book.

Janice VanCleave's Insects and Spiders by Janice VanCleave
This is a more advanced book of hands-on experiments for older children. Many of these experiments could be used in science fairs.

Eyewitness: Butterfly and Moth video on DVD
We had a lot of fun with different kinds of bugs, but butterflies and moths took the starring role. My girls requested to watch this video daily, completely fascinated by the amount of information they received. Eyewitness does a great job combining history, art, science, and mythology in this video.

From Caterpillar to Butterfly by Deborah Heiligman
This book is the story of the life stages of a butterfly. Written as a simple narrative for young children, this book introduces science learning in a very easy to understand manner, using a story to teach science.

Insect Literature & Art
Studying insects spilled over into other areas of our learning, including literature and art. We have done more butterfly, ladybug, and other bug projects than I can even remember, including puppets, cutouts, drawings, mosaics, and paintings. And we have read Eric Carle's story books, bringing to life the worlds of bugs while still teaching something interesting.

Insects: Step by Step Instructions for 26 Creepy Crawlies by Diana Fisher
I discovered this book by accident while browsing a book store, and I am so glad I did. Designed for ages 6 and up, this book details careful instructions on drawing insects. I love the resulting pictures that my oldest daughter produced.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
This popular story book depicts caterpillars as they truly are: very hungry. My girls laugh at all the things the caterpillar eats as he prepares to make his chrysalis.

The Grouchy Ladybug by Eric Carle
I never thought of ladybugs as grumpy, but this one sure is. He challenges everybody in order to prove that he is the strongest, but in the end, he decides that he would rather just eat his aphids in peace.

The Very Quiet Cricket by Eric Carle
The Very Lonely Firefly by Eric Carle
The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle

Charlotte's Web by E. B. White
What list of literature books about bugs would be complete without Charlotte's Web? I loved this book as a kid, and children today are still entranced by the barnyard story.

Fatigue

2008-08-07T10:47:00.004-04:00

My husband has banned me from volunteering at church. Why? Because my life is full and there is nothing more I can add to it before I crumble into pieces. I am a full time working mom to 3 young kids and I home school. Enough said. On top of that, I am writing a novel, I try to help out around the house, I have a vegetable garden to provide fresh produce and to save money, and I take time out to spend with my husband. Yes, one more thing and I will tumble over.

I have recently learned that I have some kind of intolerance or allergy to something called gluten, which causes me a whole host of medical issues. Fatigue and depression are two of the biggest issues that have prevented my life from moving forward. No matter how much sleep I would get, it never seemed to be enough, and I would drag myself out of bed and stumble about the house. Saturday mornings were the worst because I did not have to force myself to go to work. The mental fog often chained me to the couch, and no matter how hard I tried I never seemed to catch my bearings.

Truthfully, I felt like a failure. I couldn't be supermom. I couldn't keep the house clean, do the homeschooling, go to work, and be ultra organized like my friends seemed to be. And we were always running late to church because I found it so hard to climb out of bed. That is, if we even made it at all. As the weeks passed, I fell further and further behind with everything. My husband began to think that the family had lost their importance to me because I had nothing left to give at the end of the day.

But in particular, homeschooling has been hit or miss lately because I just haven't had the energy or the patience. Sure, it's summer, but we are unschoolers, really. Unschoolers live learning, and life does not end just because the days grow longer and hotter. However, an unschooling parent has more work to do in research to prepare for lessons because they don't depend upon someone else's lesson plan. I have done so little preparation, and once September begins, I have no way excuses anymore.

I have been struggling with a steady weight gain since Christmas. Prior to that I was on WeightWatchers and had hit a year long plateau after losing 30 pounds after my 3rd child was born. I have just regained about 17 pounds of those 30, and nothing I did seemed to stop the steady gain. Sometimes plateaus are caused when you become lax with your familiar routine, so I started doing research, looking for a new diet plan, something to spice up my routine.

I discovered a book called UltraMetabolism that mentioned that some people have an intolerance to certain foods that react as toxins within the body, causing inflammation and weight gain. Hmm, it sounded very familiar. For years, I had been saying to my husband, "I feel toxic, like something is just wrong with me." So I tried his three week diet that cut out foods that could be triggers, like dairy and gluten.

I never knew how awful I felt until I knew what it was like to feel great. Suddenly I had boundless energy, and my husband, who had at first thought this was just another diet plan, turned his head to actually hear me giggling again or to see me running around with the kids at the end of a long day at work. And not just my husband, but other friends as well began to notice the change in me. Symptoms that I had never even noticed because they had become a part of my life went away. To me, it seemed like a miracle.

Then I did some research, trying to know more about gluten, what it is and how to avoid it. I learned about Celiac Disease and its symptoms, of which I seemed to have a plethora, and I learned about all the things one has to do to avoid gluten. Did you know that gluten is in makeup, toothpaste, medicine, vitamins, low-fat dairy (no wonder why I couldn't lose weight!), ketchup, mustard, salad dressing, and even Popsicles? Gluten comes from the Latin word, meaning "glue," and it is found in wheat, rye, and barley. When you mix water and flour, it is gluten that gives the dough its elasticity that helps it rise to make perfect bread, and because of gluten's doughy nature, it is used in everything processed to fill it out and give it texture.

According to the blood test, I do not have Celiac Disease, but the doctors informed me that the test is not always accurate. They wanted me to continue with further testing, but I would have to eat gluten for 3 weeks. Who wants to purposely poison themselves? I wanted to be about the business of getting well rather than wallowing in sickness. I already know gluten makes me sick, and I already know that I need to avoid it for the rest of my life. Do I really need to know whether it is an allergy, an intolerance, or something more sinister?

So here I am, slowly recovering, slowly learning what I can eat, and looking forward to a new school year with more energy, passion, patience, and joy than I had the year before.

Zoo Trip

2008-07-24T10:27:00.002-04:00

We went to the zoo this week. It is funny how taking pictures seems so unimportant once you have 3 children, where it was all I did when I only had 1. The last time we went to the zoo, M was a year old, and I was pregnant with R. We snapped two rolls of film that day.

On Monday, we didn't even think about taking the camera until we were petting the goats, and I remembered all the pictures I took of M, hugging and kissing goats and lambs. Now, I won't have any of R or K for my scrapbook. Well, I am hoping that we'll go again in the fall when it is cooler. That way we can actually finish the zoo as we only did half of it before everyone was too tired and cranky and hot to continue.

My husband TJ wanted to see the wolves. He has a wild streak a mile wide, and being a scientist, he has studied much about wolves and their behaviors.

And I wanted to see the elephants. I am an elephant girl. I have collected elephant figurines for years, and I love the playfulness I see in elephants. It describes me very well. I was also fascinated with the manatees. They were so big! They used their fins to crawl along the bottom of their pool like they were arms.

R liked the monkeys. My schooling efforts with R are focused on storytelling and language skills. Both are necessary for preparation for reading, so I used the zoo as a means to encourage her to talk to me at the end of the day. I asked her what she remembered about her day at the zoo, and she told me how much she loved the little monkey. "She was so cute," she said, in her little exuberant voice.

I asked her to draw me a picture, but she felt too self-conscious. She said, "I don't think I could do it." I recounted all the wonderful pictures she has drawn over the last few weeks, and she smiled but still did not want to draw the monkey. "I want it to be perfect," she said.

I have heard that from her a lot lately. I wonder if she feels too much pressure is put on her performance. I took my cue to leave it alone, and instead of dwelling on a picture of a monkey, I tucked her and kissed her goodnight.

In the morning, she showed up in the kitchen with the cutest little monkey with a bow in its hair. I was pleased with this, and she was so proud of herself. And that pleased me even more.

M loved the zoo too. She was excited to see the tortoise. Ever since we told her that we used to call her Little Turtle when she was a baby (her car seat had a little green shield that reminded us of a turtle shell), she has settled on turtles as being her special animal. However, M has a real love for anything that is an animal. Our most interesting science projects are centered around animals and their behaviors, and she loves to read anything about any animal.

K is too young to fully appreciate a zoo trip, but she was happy to be out. Much of our day was spent keeping track of her and reining in that avid curiosity. I know that all toddlers get into things, and I have been through it with the older two girls. However, imagine taking that mischievous curiosity and magnifying it a hundred fold, and that's our K. She keeps us on our toes.

Despite the heat and all the walking and the struggle to handle 3 inquisitive children, it was a wonderful day. I'll be happy to do it again . . . in the fall.

Eternity of Childhood

2008-07-22T10:13:00.004-04:00

I remember how time seemed to stop when I was a kid. Summer days would blend together into something that felt much like eternity. We would play in the dirt for hours, with nothing pressing on our minds but enjoying the hot summer air. I wonder if that is what heaven is like, the wonderment of childhood and the joy of doing nothing.

Here I am, a working mom who is also homeschooling and involved in so many activities that I don't know how I make it from day to day. And then for a moment, I sit and watch my kids play, and that feeling of eternity comes rushing back to me.

I used to work in the garden while they played in the dirt beside me. They would spend hours just moving dirt from one bucket to another. It is amazing to me how that would fascinate them. Now the neighborhood kids come to play in our yard because we have a plastic jungle gym that they love to play on. While the other kids our sitting around on the jungle gym, my kids are collecting bugs.

M comes running up to the three boys, visiting one evening. "I have three slugs," she says, excitedly.

"Why does she keep getting slugs?" one boy asks another.

And I am grinning from ear to ear because I know I have accomplished something wonderful: I have taught them to explore and not to be afraid of the dirt. I haven't overmanaged them, and thus I have the most inquisitive, most ingenuitive, most explorative girls I have ever met.

My 3 princesses wear nothing but dresses because that is what they like, but even then, they don't worry about getting dirty. They still climb, run, play, dig, capture bugs, and dance like ballerinas. R tells me that she is going to be a "superhero princess" when she grows up, and I tell her that she does not have to wait. She can be one now.

I am pleased.

Yes, I am pleased to be part of this eternal world that homeschooling has given us to share with our children. This is what life should be.

Computer Art

2008-07-08T11:40:00.003-04:00

ArtRage 2.5 from Ambient Design is another great computer tool for home schooling. For $25, you get a paint, chalk, crayon, glitter, marker, and colored pencil program without the mess. Did I mention without the mess? And oh yeah, without the clutter too....well, until they figure out how to print their creations.

The paint feature really works like paint. If you put down a layer of blue paint and then swipe green paint across it, the green will pick up tinges of blue briefly. And the paint brush runs out of paint just like a real paint brush does. Then you can use the smear feature and spread your paint around. The effect looks like real paint. Can I say that enough? It looks real. The other art mediums also seem very life like, from the grainy texture of crayon to the glossy appearance of marker.

Our girls love this program. We get requests 20 times a day (all right, I am in Exaggeration Mode today) to make something on the computer, and I have been impressed by their results. Yes, it is a lot of abstract art, but the visual effects of this art seems pretty outstanding to me. I have posted some of my favorite pieces on my Webb Art blog. Take a look. Then go have some fun!

Computer Music

2008-07-08T11:06:00.004-04:00

We plan to enroll M & R into piano or violin lessons this fall, but in the meantime, I have exposed them to music using some computer programs, particularly Apple Garageband (Mac only) and Finale Songwriter 2007 (Windows and Mac).

The user interface for Finale Songwriter 2007 contains empty music sheets. After selecting musical instruments, you can point and click to add notes and then play your music to hear what it sounds like. This exposes children to the musical staff, notes, and the sounds of instruments. M composed her first piano piece at the age of 5. All right, before you start thinking I'm bragging about my child protege, she really was just pointing and clicking randomly, but the random notes actually sounded pretty good. This was a learning experience for her and preparation for future music lessons.

Apple Garageband contains a mini keyboard. As you play the keyboard, the song is recorded. It is certainly a different perspective, but one that is easier for younger children. The mouse movements require less dexterity, and the keyboard method allows a child to hear the music as they play. This allows a child to familiarize themselves with a piano and with musical sounds at an early age.

What is also great about these programs is that they not only teach children about music, they familiarize the child with a computer (program navigation and mouse control). Furthermore, children learn something about creating and innovating. Art is not just about appreciation; it is about experiencing and creating something new. You don't have to be 40 to create something great.

Never Let Criticism Affect Your Home Schooling Style

2008-07-08T10:31:00.002-04:00

Every mistake I made in home schooling came when I allowed criticisms to affect me. Criticism often leads to one of two behaviors: (1) overreaction or (2) stubborn refusal to change. For me, it is usually overreaction, which isn't good for me or the kids.

One well-meaning friend (or maybe not so well meaning) related a story about an acquaintance whose children failed the achievement tests because the parents had always provided the answers in their home school. I then got ultra paranoid that if I give the kids the answers they'll never learn, but you have to give them the answers before they can be expected to know the answers.

My in-laws said that parents cannot effectively discipline their own children, and I felt the need to prove to myself that I was a good disciplinarian. I ended up being too rough on the kids, especially the whining which only led to more whining.

A stranger said I would never be able to provide the amount of time that children need to learn. Two hours? Not enough time. Three hours? Four hours? Five hours? If I gave 3 hours of dedicated home schooling and my husband also gave that much time, it still would not be enough for the kids to learn what they would need to learn. This attitude only leads to burn out.

Then there is the usual criticism: socialization. Let's just stop there. Paying any attention to this criticism only leads to paranoia and dysfunctional children. Children are naturally better at socializing than we are as adults.

So I encourage you to ignore criticisms. Even better yet, don't put yourself into a position to be criticized. Other people's opinions should just be kept to themselves.

Math Skills: Patterns

2008-06-27T14:01:00.006-04:00

Of all the early math concepts, learning about patterns was my favorite. "Oh look, it's a pattern," became a frequent phrase in our family. I was about to say, "in our house," but the truth is patterns are everywhere. In the grocery story, in the hardware store, in the library, at the museum, you'll find patterns in books, on the floor, on the walls. I guess people like patterns.

Books About Patterns

Pattern Bugs by Trudy Harris

This story has beautiful artwork and poetry. The bugs, the frames around the pages, and even the words of the poetry follow patterns.

Pattern Fish by Trudy Harris

Like her book on bugs, there are visual and word patterns throughout the book.

Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? by Bill Martin Jr. and Eric Carle

This is another book with rhythmic word patterns along with a fun theme.

Activities with Patterns

Activity #1

Point out patterns everywhere you go. Walking up some brick steps to get to a museum, I noticed the bricks were laid in a special pattern, and once we got to the landing, the pattern changed. I pointed this out to M & R, and they were hooked, finding patterns everywhere. "Look, mom, it's a pattern," they would say excitedly. You can find patterns on almost anything:

* Wallpaper

* Clothing

* Food Labels

* Book Covers

* Quilts

* Floor Tiles

Activity #2

Take a nature walk. Observe patterns in nature (i.e. leaves, spider webs, flowers, animal tracks). You can even build a nature journal documenting the patterns that you see.

Activity #3

Watch for word patterns in books, poems, and songs. For example, the Big Bad Wolf says, "I will huff and I will puff and I will blow your house down," or there is the response from the pigs, "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin."

Activity #4

Decorate for holidays and birthdays with paper chains or streamers. Alternating between red and green makes a simple Christmas pattern, or you could use pink, red, and white for a more complex Valentine's Day decoration. Or hang streamers of various colors in a window as another pattern decoration for a birthday party…or just because it is a beautiful day.

Activity #5

Rhythm pattern (clap, stomp, clap, stomp) and action pattern (stand, sit, jump, stand, sit, jump) games can be as simple or as complex as you would like them to be. Take turns with the kids on who builds the pattern.

Activity #6

Using colorful beads, string them on yarn to make necklaces. By now, the kids know what a pattern is, so let the kids build their own designs.

Activity #7

Paint a series of shapes in various colors across a piece of cardboard. Tell a story about your picture using pattern words. Makani painted a series of patterns, calling them animal tracks, and then she painted a storm that wreaked havoc with the whole pattern.

Activity #8

Build colorful pattern towers using interconnecting blocks of various colors.

Activity #9

Weave potholders on a loom. Both the colors and the weaving motion reinforce the pattern concept.

Activity #10
Play with your food! Line up your M&M's in colorful patterns.

Finding Joy in the Midst of Home Schooling

2008-06-20T10:07:00.003-04:00

I spoke with a friend of mine about the struggles of home schooling. Like me, she has just started home schooling her oldest daughter who is just a few weeks younger than my oldest daughter. We talked much about our frustrations. She has recently come to a place of peace that I have had at times, and her words of encouragement really helped me find joy in home schooling once again. So I thought I'd share this with you as well.

Home Schooling Rule #1 - Avoid the Ruse of Perfection
Perfection is a carefully veiled lie. It sounds great, but really it saps your energy and causes you to run in circles. The perfect schedule straps you down. The perfect organization system keeps you from stepping outside the box. The perfect curriculum prevents exploration. Perfection is a sterile imitation of life.

Life is changing. Life requires adjustment. Life breathes and grows and makes messes all around you. If you stumble into perfection, you will not be ready for the next problem life throws your way. You will not be ready to adjust to the new needs of your home schooling family.

Home Schooling Rule #2 - Don't Let Your Curriculum Trap You
Curriculum can get boring. Curriculum can be great for one child but completely miss the needs of another. Curriculum can be old and stale and stodgy. The great thing about home schooling is that learning is more than just a text book. Instead, learning is about life. Home schooling is about making learning your lifetime endeavor, and curriculum is just a springboard to many interesting topics.

Your job as the teacher is not to force the kids through their text books. Your job is to bring them to the well of learning and show them how wonderful it is to drink from it. The joys of reading, the wonders of science, the mysteries of history, the excitement of numbers: all these things are naturally a part of a child's wonderment. We just need to fuel it.

Home Schooling Rule #3 - Remember to Have Fun
"If you are not having fun, most likely the kids aren't having fun either," my friend said to me. My favorite learning activity was when we did a unit study on flowers. Sure we read lots of books about the life cycle of the flower and the parts of the flower, but the most fun was when we picked different colored flowers and crushed them on paper. What a colorful mess that was! We added glitter and then cut the paper in the shape of butterflies. Art and science all in one.

Home Schooling Rule #4 - Don't Be Ruled by Fear
When fear becomes our motivation, we make faulty and unhealthy decisions. Fears of failure could lead to over schooling. Fears of the state requirements could lead to an excessive amount of testing. Fears of disapproval from parents, in-laws, and neighbors could lead to putting your kids accomplishments on display in a way that is not healthy. Fears of inadequacy could lead to overcompensating with tough curriculum or too much curriculum. Fears of not finding the perfect curriculum could lead to not picking any curriculum.

See my point? Fear twists our behaviors into something that is not healthy and generally causes us to walk either the road of perfection or laziness. A healthier perspective is to let go of all those fears and jump into the fun of learning, much like a child.

Conclusion
Jesus said, "Unless you become like a little child, you will not enter into the kingdom of heaven." Home schooling is the opportunity to learn what it is like to have the faith of a child again: to love learning, to explore without reservation or fear, to trust that all things will work out in the end.

Introduction to Geography

2008-06-13T10:13:00.007-04:00

The book Me on the Map by Joan Sweeney is a great start to geography for young children. The story shows a girl in her room and then a map of that room, followed by a picture of her house and a map of her house that also contains her room. The story continues to pan out to her street, her town, her state, her country, and then the world. This gives children an understanding of where they are in context of the entire globe.

Another good book for introducing maps is As the Crow Flies: A First Book of Maps by Gail Hartman. I enjoyed this book very much when I read it to my kids. You experience the world from the perspective of different animals, then you study the map of each animal's world, and finally you see how these individual maps are pieced together.

These two books can be followed up with an art lesson where the children draw their own maps of their bedrooms, homes, and neighborhoods. M & R started drawing imaginary maps about how we get to our new house (we don't really have a new house; it was just a story of theirs).

For an introduction to the world atlas, the National Geographic Our World, Updated Edition: A Child's First Picture Atlas by National Geographic Society did an excellent job introducing the continents of the world, giving detailed information about the peoples and the cultures. This is a good one to read again and again. Although it is an easy read, it contains so much information.

Once a child has a basic understanding of geography and the continents, National Geographic World Atlas for Young Explorers, Revised & Expanded Edition by National Geographic is a great resource for digging deeper into the topic of geography. This book packages facts, pictures, and maps in a way that captivates the reader.

I combined these resources with a wall map of the world. We reference this map while reading both fiction and nonfiction whenever the book mentions a country. Also using the wall map as our reference, we conducted unit studies on the people and cultures of each major country, like we did with Russia. Stay tuned to more cultural unit studies.

Sibling Rivalry

2008-06-11T13:17:00.004-04:00

When I brought K home from the hospital, M took to her right away . . . just as she had done when R was born. However, R, my tender-hearted girl, wanted nothing to do with her new baby sister, and she wanted nothing to do with me either whenever I held K. It broke my heart.

K is now 2 years old, and R is 4. It has taken me two years to figure out how to build a bond between those two girls. I learned a few tricks from Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too, and I corrected some of my own behaviors that fueled the division. Now R & K play very well together, and K finally has a friend.

1. Pay attention to your own words. What could you be doing to cause the problem?

I noticed is that R frequently gets in "trouble" when K is around. R's disenchantment with the new baby turned to dislike everytime we scolded her for almost hurting the baby. I remember one day the two girls were playing hide and seek in the closet. K was 1, and R was 3. R kept sliding the closet doors open to peek out and me, and I would cringe as she almost hit K with the door several times. "R, don't do that," I think I said. "You almost hit your sister."

R stopped playing and sat down on my lap, "I don't want K here. Make her go away." Oops, this reaction was my fault. She had played happily with K up until that point. Sure, I want R to learn to be considerate of others and to be aware of the needs of others, but on the other hand, maybe instead I should teach K that she should watch out for swinging doors. K cannot be a baby forever. She needs to have the skills to take care of herself too.

I replaced scolding R with praise. "You are playing with your sister. I really like that," I would say. "That is being very friendly." R's face would light up with a big smile, and slowly she began to play more and more with K.

2. Give security by defining boundaries.

I noticed that R would worry about her personal possessions. K often destroyed her sisters' MegaBlock creations, and R did not feel like she could trust K to know what belongs to whom. R did not know whether K would give back her toys, and so R did not want to share. Hey, if I had a special gardening tool, I would not lend it out to someone who I thought would break it or not return it!

So we solved this problem by giving each girl her own room. We were lucky that we had 4 bedrooms. M & R shared a room, and K (being on a different sleep schedule) had her own room. The fourth bedroom was a play room that all the girls shared. I really liked this arrangement because (1) they had no toys in their rooms to make a mess & to keep them awake at night and (2) I liked the whole idea of having a big play room to segregate the mess from the rest of the house.

Although K still went to bed earlier, keeping her separate from her sisters began to seem like a problem. Throughout the day, she was ostracized from their playtime, and we felt like it was time to unite the three. However, R panicked to have K in their room, getting into their stuff, so we decided to separate M & R so that each girl has her own sanctuary.

Sure, I lost my wonderful play room, but R now gets more sleep and is less cranky. M gets to read late into the night, and K is no longer the third wheel. Furthermore, R now keeps her toys behind a shut door, stopping many arguments before they even happen.

3. Recreate the situation with positive words.

The clincher was when R realized that K liked her. K uses a shortened version of M's name to mean "girl," and she uses this name for every girl she sees. K has never called R by name. I think this has bothered R a little. M & K were becoming friends, and R now felt like the third wheel. M would say, "I like K but not R." And this just worsened the situation.

Then a few weeks ago, something happened that changed this whole thing around. R & K both go to the nursery now because our church does not have a class for 4-year olds. You either go with the big kids (ages 5-12) or with the little kids (ages 0 - 4). We didn't like this very much, and so TJ snuck R into the big kid class one day. Sure, R is 4, but she doesn't run around, she can sit still, and she can do crafts.

Well, K did not want to go into the nursery without R. Several other kids came up to play with her or give her hugs, and she would have nothing to do with them. It was kind of like she was saying, "You're not my sister. I am not playing with you."

That afternoon, we told R how K had asked for her and did not want to play with anyone else. R's face broke into the biggest smile I have ever seen, "K likes me." In fact, she said that several times that day.

The next morning, K was grumpy, having been woken suddenly. While I changed K's diaper, R was petting K's head, but K, being grumpy, pushed R away. Confused and hurt, R asked me, "Does she like me?"

I answered with my usual question, "What do you think?"

"I don't know," she said. Her little brow furrowed in concern.

"Yes, she likes you," I said. "She is just grumpy because it is morning and she is awake."

R has not worried about whether or not K likes her since that morning. She happily takes K's hand, and the two of them tromp off together to play. They now have sleepovers sometimes, and R shares more willingly and freely. When R is around, K does not seem to need as much personal attention from me, and I know K has really wanted a friend.

I am just so happy to see my two youngest finally find eachother.

My Letter of Intent, 2008

2008-06-10T16:00:00.004-04:00

M will be 6 this summer and starting first grade. So I finally wrote my first letter of intent. Having a loose homeschooling style made it hard to document our curriculum, but I finally figured out what I wanted to use and how I wanted to present it.

Here is what I wrote for our list of materials:

Curriculum & Core Materials

Language Arts
Reading
We love to read and visit the library on a weekly basis, restocking our supply of books and reading material on a regular basis. Along with library visits, we will use the following reading resources:
* Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelmann

Spelling, Writing, & Vocabulary
We will assign frequent writing assignments to build handwriting and spelling skills. These following books will supplement these assignments:
* A Reason for Spelling: Student Workbook Level A by Rebecca Burton
* Wordly Wise 3000: Book A by Kenneth Hodkinson and Sandra Adams
* A child’s dictionary

Social Studies
Geography
We have a United States map puzzle, and we also have a world map on the wall and will continue to study the cultures of different countries. Along with learning about these cultures, we will use these resources:
* National Geographic Our World: A Child's First Picture Atlas published by National Geographic Society
* The Kingfisher First Picture Atlas published by Editors of Kingfisher

History
We will cover history using the following curriculum:
* History for Little Pilgrims by Michael McHugh

Mathematics
We take a hands-on approach with mathematics, building the understanding of the abstract concepts before applying it to paper. Therefore, we have many learning activities, projects, and games before we do the lessons in the workbooks.
* Math Basics Grade 1 published by I Know It! Books
* Time & Money Grades 1 - 2 published by I Know It! Books
* Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds by Pam Schiller and Lynne Peterson (Chapters 10, 11, and 12)
* Reader Rabbit 1st Grade Version 1.0 computer program

Science
We take a hands-on approach to science as well, using science experiments along with science handouts and supplemental material from the library. The curriculum from which we work contains 24 different lessons, and we use these lessons as “springboards” to go deeper into the topic.
* Janice VanCleave's Teaching the Fun of Science to Young Learners: Grades Pre-K through 2 by Janice VanCleave
* Janice VanCleave's Big Book of Play and Find Out Science Projects by Janice VanCleave
* The Best of The Mailbox Science First Grade
* Supplemental Library Material

Health & Safety
We discuss safety and fire prevention as part of our family rules and parental discipline. We will continue to enforce the following concepts that Makani already understands:
* why she should wear her seatbelt when she is in the car
* why she should wear a helmet when she rides her bike
* why she should not put a plastic bag over her head
* why she should not put a rope around her neck
* why she should not play with matches or a lighter

We will continue to educate her on these safety issues by teaching her what to do in case of a fire or a tornado.

Physical Education
Currently, we encourage dancing, running, bike riding, and other physical activity. We will continue to encourage this kind of creative play and will also enroll Makani in YMCA classes for swimming and gymnastic lessons.

Fine Arts
We enjoy both music and art within our home. We will continue to explore fine arts education with the following creative resources:
* Garage Band by Apple (music computer program)
* Finale Songwriter 2007 by eMedia (music computer program)
* Music Lessons (piano)
* Classical Music (Mozart, Stravinsky, Tchaikovsky, Vivaldi, Beethoven)
* ArtRage 2.5 (art computer program)
* Art mediums including paint, crayons, markers, chalk, and colored pencils
* Craft projects including sewing, building with wood, making puppets, etc.

Acts of Kindness

2008-05-12T10:34:00.002-04:00

Recently, there have been two incidents in our home that really blessed my heart. Watching your child choose to be kind to others is one of the sweetest moments in a mother's life.

The first incident is when M decided to make raisin bread for everyone. I have been pushing M to have some autonomy in the kitchen, encouraging her to get some of her own meals. We moved the cereal to a lower cupboard for the girls to reach on their own, and I taught M how to make toast in the toaster and how to butter her own bread. Then one evening, I made the girls "breakfast for dinner," so M was helping with the toast. I intended for her to make her own, but she decided to make a piece of toast for each member of the family. She even got out the plates and served it to each person. I was so blessed by her act of kindness that I just about cried.

Then a week ago, I had everyone clammering at once. While changing K's diaper, I heard R calling for me to come wipe her (she refuses to do it herself), and then M started saying, "Mommy, will you read this book to me?" Um, no, I am kinda busy right now. Just then my husband TJ walked in, "M, Mommy's busy right now. You can be her helper and get that a bag for that dirty diaper." So M jumped up and started helping. But that's not the part that was so cool. The very next day, I had the exact same situation. Once again, R called for me to come wipe her while I was in the middle of chaning K's diaper and putting her down for a nap. This time, without being told, M jumped up and went running for a bag. She cleaned up the dirty diaper before I had a chance to realize what she was doing. "Wow, how on earth did I get such a helper?" I thought.

M answered my quiet question by repeating the words of praise I give whenever they help out. She said, "I helped you out, Mommy. I put the dirty diaper in the trash. I am very considerate."

I have a few parenting rules for myself about kindness and consideration:
(1) Kindness cannot be forced. I don't require them to do it.
(2) I will teach kindness by demonstrating kindness towards my children.
(3) I will praise and encourage any efforts of kindness that I see.

When kindness is forced, it's not really kindness. It does not come from a thougtful and considerate nature. Rather, it is an attempt to stay out of trouble, which is a purely selfish response.

Children who are mistreated are more likely to mistreat others. Would not the opposite be true? Children who are treated with kindness are more likely to be kind to others. For example, sometimes the kids forget to say "please," and I have noticed that when I get all indignant and refuse to fulfill the request until they say "please," they get the message that I am not going to fulfill the request. They then believe that they are not important. They think that they don't matter. If I say, "I'd love to get you some more milk, but it would make me feel better if you say 'please,'" they get a big smile on their faces and say the most pleasant "please." The message they get is two fold: (1) mommy does care about me and my needs and (2) mommy loves it when I say "please."

There is a specific formula for giving praise that motivates a child to keep doing what you praised them for. I learned about this in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Kids Will Talk, a book about communicating with children. This praise formula includes the following 3 phrases:

(1) a statement of what you see (i.e. "You cleaned off your plate from the table.")
(2) a statement of how you feel (i.e. "I really appreciate the help.")
(3) a statement of summary that gives a name to the behavior (i.e. "That is very considerate.")

So here are a few examples of praise:

The child struggles to draw their letters and does a reasonably good or bad job at it: "You drew two sticks with a line inbetween, and you almost got the lines to touch. I can tell that is most definitely an A. That is careful attention to detail."

The child draws a picture of a house with some flowers: "I see a house with bright red door, and some beautiful flowers growing outside. The bright colors make me feel happy. This is very creative."

The child helps in the kitchen: "You stirred the batter without spilling, and you helped put all the dirty dishes in the sink. I really appreciate the help. That's what I call being a big helper."

The child picks out their own clothes and dresses themselves: "You got your own clothes out of the dresser and put them on by yourself. And you even put your pajamas away by yourself. That is very responsible. I like the colors you picked out."

There are two things that make this kind of praise so much more powerful than the words "good job" or "you're so smart." One reason is that the person receiving the praise really takes the praise to heart. The second reason is that the person feels motivated to keep going. I watch my kids' faces when I praise them like this. There is something I see that speaks volumes on what this does to their hearts. They have been touched by such words, and they then feel confident to continue the praised behavior.

Also, many of the situations listed above are ones where the child attempted something but may not have done so perfectly. You can praise the effort without pointing out the faults. In fact, the faults can be praised right along with the successes, giving the child the idea that a good try is as important as success.

I am a writer and am currently working on a fiction story. I will bring home a section for my husband to read, and he'll say, "Wow, that's good." And the praise leaves me wondering what is so good about it. Are my characters real? Is the plot interesting? Is it well written? Truth is I need to be the one who says, "Yeah, it is good." What I need from others is a description of what they see and how they feel about my book.

Early Language Development: Ages 0 to 4

2008-05-09T15:33:00.003-04:00

K recently had her 2 year check up, and the nurses asked their usual questions to gauge her development. One question was "How many words are in her vocabulary? 10? 20?"

This seemed strange to my husband and me. Is 10 or 20 words really normal for a two year old? We had some early talkers who started speaking in sentences at the age of 1 year, but all the same, 10 or 20 words seems really low to me for a 2 year old. So TJ and I started writing down words that we know she says, and within half an hour, we had a list of 125. Since then, I have thought of more words that she says, and I know I could double or triple that list.

What makes our kids different? Personally, I don't believe anything makes our kids different. I think that if people pay attention to the "baby babble" they will realize that their babies are trying to communicate. For example, when M was a baby, I read the book Baby Minds, which greatly influenced how I talked to the girls.

There were several skills I learned that were helpful:

1) Talk with them about everything you do in the course of a day
2) Listen to them and apply good listening skills
3) Pyramid language development
4) Teach them baby signs
5) Read to them

Talk to them
I would talk to them about everything I did. If I was changing their clothes, it was a great opportunity to talk about the names of clothing and parts of the body (i.e. "We pull your shirt over your head. Now we put your arms in the sleeves.") If I was changing their diapers, I would talk about dirty diapers and making them all clean. If I was giving them baths, I would talk about scrubbing their toes and their tummies.

A lot of times, I would make songs up for all these things as well. Though the song could change from week to week. I think M's first attempts to communicate with me were actually in song. I was singing to her, and she just started to sing back. A few weeks later, I noticed that her baby babble had a lot of "k" sounds when I changed her diaper. "I wonder why," I thought as I began to talk to her. Suddenly, I heard my own words and noticed that I said "clean" a lot as I'd change the diaper. Dare I say she was only about 3 months old?

She might not know WHAT I was saying, but even so young, she was trying to imitate language and associating certain sounds with certain situations. Why? Simply because I talked to her.

At 1 year old, K would say "I am stinky" and "Diaper Change." Not just single words, but stringing words together and making sentences.

Listen to them
Language is about communication. Children need to know that language is about expressing themselves, and they learn that by being heard. Just recently R started showing a great deal more self-confidence in her communication, and I have been wowed by her four-year-old mind as she begins to tell me stories and such that she has created in her own mind.

She loves to play with Lego's, and she built what she said was a pirate boat. These were the pirates who loved to dance. She sang me a whole theme song that she had made up for them. Then she began to tell me a little bit about how they lived (they eat cookies after they ate real food) and what they did (they danced and were nice to each other and loved each other) and why their boat had to have walls (to keep out the mice). And at the end, she announced, "They are so cute."

Now let me tell you something, R doesn't get to talk much. When her language skills were ready to take off, she had an older sister who talked over her, and then she had a baby sister who seemed to oust her from the center of her mommy's lap. She needs that special moment each day when there are no sisters to interrupt her, and in that moment, she gains some very important communication and pre-reading and self-confidence skills. And the most important thing I can do is just listen.

Some helpful hints:
1) Get on their level and make eye contact. This helps them know you are listening and that they are important.
2) Rephrase in your own words what you have heard ("So these pirates love to dance on their ship."). This helps them to know that they are really being heard.
3) Ask appropriate questions ("So then what do the pirates like to do?" or "What kind of cookies do they like most?"). This helps you to stay involved without taking over, and it helps them stretch their imaginations just a little further.

Pyramid
This is an idea on how to introduce new ideas and skills. Before they are ready, you supply the answer. When they seem to grow into the new skill, you help them do it. Then when they seem to master it, you step back and let them do it for themselves.

For example, I would introduce the early puzzles (wooden block puzzles) aroun 12 to 18 months. At that age, I'd dump it out and do the puzzle slowly, explaining what I was doing as I did it. Between 18 and 24 months, I would let them put in the pieces, saying "try this spot" and then I'd turn the wooden board to match the piece up as they pushed the piece in. After that, I'd let them do it by themselves without my help, watching from a distance, giving suggestions if they got frustrated.

Here is an example conversation for pyramiding language skills for a 0 to 9 month baby:
"Do you have a dirty diaper?" pause
"Yeah, we need to change that diaper." pause
"Let's make you all clean." pause
"Yeah, that is much better. All clean." pause
"Do you feel better now?" pause
"Yeah, that's better."

All those pauses are to give them an opportunity to answer. Of course, they are not ready to answer, so after the pause, you offer their answer for them. And don't be surprised when one day they say "yeah" during that pause.

R was about 9 months old when someone at church said, "Aren't you the cutest baby?" and she said "Yeah." Later that day, someone asked her if she was ornery, and she said "Yeah." She knew how to recognize the voice influction for a question and knew what the answer to a question was.

So, that is the early pyramid language skills: supplying the answers for them. But as they get older, you give them more tools to express themselves without your answers. For example, giving them choices or teaching them baby signs. And finally, you apply your listening skills to their conversations.

Baby Signs
The best time to introduce baby signs is between 10 and 18 months. They may be trying to communicate, but we cannot understand them yet. So this is where you can start supplying them with the opportunity to express themselves without words. Some of my favorite ones were for things that they would want, like milk, water, food, and to say "more" of something, but the very first sign was for "all done" so that they would not scream at me when I tried to keep feeding them and they were full. These words are good for stopping temper tantrums before they happen.

From there, I taught them signs for animals. K right now loves to give a running dialog of everything she sees in her little world. And she no longer uses baby signs to express herself as she is 2 now, but even younger children like to tell you about the world around them. If they are excited about the cat they just saw, they will great frustrated if they can't tell you about it.

You can make up your own signs, or you can learn a little of American Sign Language. Either way, baby signs are very useful at this stage of communication. I have heard that studies show that sign language helps them transitions to words even faster and helps them learn what words are for at a faster rate as well.

Read to them
Reading to them is important, but for developing language skills, it is good to pyramid reading much like many other things. At an early age, they want to look at pictures. Reading the text on the page does not interest them. I know this simply because I tried with all three of them. But honestly, there is nothing wrong with that.

If you point to the pictures and talk about what you see rather than just reading the words on the page, they will learn so many more words that way. A short 2 minute book can take 15 to 20 minutes in our house. Why? Because we talk about what's going on. So for K, we point to things on the page and talk about the pictures. She has recently learned a few new words that way, like turtle, crab, and sad. K really just started getting into books, and we took her to the library to pick out some just for her. She picked out 10 and wants each one read to every night.

For one baby board book with pictures of baby faces, we talked about each baby. "That baby is so happy." pause "He has a spoon. He put that spoon in his mouth." pause "Do you see his smile?" pause As K is now 2, those pauses are filled with little comments from her. So enjoyable to hear.

As a mother, this always touches my heart, to hear them give back to me the joy that I have put into them.

Math Skills: Ordering

2008-04-30T12:08:00.010-04:00

We have just started a new math skill: ordering. I always like using stories to teach math concepts. There is something that triggers understanding when you can see it in a book. Maybe they word it better than I can. Maybe it is the pictures. Or maybe it's because stories always make an impact on children.

So I planned a few art projects, some games, and ordered some really good books, including The Best Bug Parade and The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

Full list of books that I used:

The Best Bug Parade by Stuart J. Murphy

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle

Who Sank the Boat? by Pamela Allen

How Big Is a Foot? by Rolf Myller

One Was Johnny by Maurice Sendak

Mighty Maddie by Stuart J. Murphy

Full list of games:

Game #1:

You will need toys of various sizes. We used stuffed animals. Children put them in order from tallest to shortest, and then shortest to tallest. Key words: short, shorter, shortest, tall, taller, tallest.

Game #2:

You will need building blocks (lego's, mega blocks, or wooden stacking blocks will do). Build a series of towers where each tower is taller or shorter than the next one. R likes to build stairs, so this would work too. Key words: short, shorter, shortest, tall, taller, tallest.

Game #3:

You will need stairs to climb. With each step up, talk about how much higher you are, and at the top, you are the highest. With each step down, talk about how much lower you are, and at the bottom, you are the lowest. Key words: high, higher, highest, low, lower, lowest.

Game #4:

You will need various items from your pantry. I used a jar of peanut butter, a can of peanuts, a container of hot chocolate mix, an empty mug, and a coffee tin. I picked items that were both heavy and light and where the size had no bearing on the weight. I had the girls order them by weight (estimating the weight by picking it up). Key words: heavy, heavier, heaviest, light, lighter, lightest.

Game #5:

You will need 6 Mason jars (or other glass jars that are all the same size), water, and a metal spoon. Set up tone bottles with various amounts of water and then listen to the pitch of each jar by tapping it with a metal spoon. Make note that the lower the pitch the higher the water level. Key words: high, higher, highest, low, lower, lowest.

Game #6:

Play with stacking cups, stacking rings, and Russian nesting dolls.

Full list of art projects:

Art Project #1:

You will need glue, string, and construction paper. I cut the string by inches (i.e. 1 inch, 2 inches, 3 inches, etc.) until I had 8 strings for each girl. The girls put them in order by length and then used a ruler to measure them. I had them write the number of inches by each string and then glue the string onto the paper. Key words: short, shorter, shortest, long, longer, longest.

Art Project #2:

You will need markers, construction paper, and varying sizes of round lids. Centering a lid on the middle of the page, trace it with a marker. Continue to do this for all lids so that the smallest circle is in the center of the largest circle. The child should be able to see the growing sizes of circles. Key words: small, smaller, smallest, big, bigger, biggest, large, larger, largest.

Art Project #3:

You will need varying sizes of shapes drawn on a paper, scissors, glue, and construction paper. Cut out the shapes and glue them in order by size on the construction paper. Key words: small, smaller, smallest, big, bigger, biggest, large, larger, largest.

Art Project #4:

You will need construction paper, scissors, glue, and cutouts of varying shapes. I recommend that the cutouts have a different number available for each shape (i.e. 1 circle, 2 squares, 3 hearts, etc.) Draw a butterfly on a piece of construction paper. Have the children cut out the butterfly and then glue shapes on their wings. When finished, compare the number of shapes on each butterfly. Key words: more, most, less, least.

Art Project #5:

You will need multiple toys of multiple types (i.e. 5 balls, 3 cars, 6 dolls, and 7 stuffed animals). Make a graph where you have a row for each type of toy and fill in a box for each number of that toy. Compare the lines, determining which row has the most and which row has the least. Key words: more, most, less, least.

Teaching Safety Rules: Stranger Awareness

2008-04-28T10:27:00.007-04:00

One day two years ago, M put a plastic bag over her head, thinking it was funny. I reacted poorly, panicking, yelling. She had no clue what she had done wrong, and being hurt by my reaction, she did not listen to my explanations. Thus I learned that I need to talk to my children about safety issues BEFORE it becomes an issue.

Talk about Safety
My lesson for them have been two-fold: (1) you are important and (2) your safety is important. So I would talk about WHY we wear seatbelts, WHY we don't play with matches, WHY we don't put plastic bags or pillows over our heads, WHY we don't run into the road, and WHY we wear helmets when we ride bikes. The idea is that when they are older, they will choose to be safe because they believe they are important and that their safety is important.

Now fast forward to the present, and my girls are asking to play in the front yard. Last year, I let them play in the front yard with supervision (i.e. I weeded and planted my flower beds while they rode their bikes). I told them where their boundaries are, and I watched them listen to the rules.

1) They stayed out of the street.
2) They did not go past the light post to the right or the street corner on the left.
3) They kept their helmets on while they road their bikes.
4) They yelled at the other kids for riding bikes in the road and not wearing helmets.

I learned that I can trust them. They have proven that they are safety conscious and are willing to listen to the rules. That kind of responsible behavior should be rewarded with trust and expansion of boundaries.

Build Autonomy One Small Step at a Time
I read this article from Free Range Kids, and I gotta say I agree 100%. Except that my kids are still too young to roam free. My oldest is only five. And I also gotta say I have felt so safe with our backyard fence. I know where they are, and I like that. It will be scary to say, "Okay, you can ride your bike around the block." I dread that day, but someday they will be off to live life on their own. Someday, they need to know how to survive without me.

However, you can't just keep them safely by your side one day and then send them off to face the world the next. There is preparation. So slowly, I expand their boundaries as I see that they have learned the lessons I have taught. Now that they play in the front yard unsupervised, I have added an important lesson: dealing with strangers.

Isn't that what scares us all?

Roleplay Dangerous Scenarios
So, we roleplayed scenarios while we sat around our dinner table. I am the stranger, and I say, "Hi kids. What's your names?" So they tell me their names, and I offer them candy. They say, "No thanks." I offer them a ride in my car, and they say, "No thanks." I say "No, now is the time to run away screaming. A stranger should never offer you a ride in their car."

So we played through many scenarios, including being lost, being offered candy, being offered a ride in a car, being invited into someone's house, or being touched by a stranger. And of course, there were good strangers too, ones that did not offer candy or invite them into their houses.

We also talked about trusting our emotions. My husband told them, "If you feel scared, then maybe there is a reason. You should trust that feeling." We got to illustrate this for them when my husband felt a little concerned about someone who was watching our kids play. He said to me, "Something did not feel quite right. Should I warn the girls?" I said, "Yes." So he told them what he saw and how he felt about it. So they learned that even daddies can feel scared and it is okay to trust that feeling.

The other important lesson I wanted them to learn about strangers is to stay with other children and to watch out for each other. Safety in numbers. If M & R are together and they are with their friends, slimeballs will stay away. So I talked to them about this too, that they watch out for their sisters.

To R, just turned 4 years old in March

2008-04-04T12:25:00.007-04:00

Sometimes you get lost in the shuffle of our busy household. Sometimes you just need to be cuddled, and my arms are already full. You so love to please, and you are devastated when you disappoint us. So many times, I just want to take you in my arms and tell you how much I love you.

I have watched you grow from a shy little girl into a little lady with a beautiful smile. Lately, you have blossomed. I notice you walk with just a little more confidence, and I know that you finally feel safe and loved in this home. I love to hear the stories that you tell, and I like to see how pleased you are when I stop to listen to your words. I love to carve out special moments for me and you to share because I know how much that touches your heart. And touching your heart is what touches mine.

There is no little girl like you in this whole world, with your deep brown eyes and soft brown hair. No one has that special smile that shows the softness of your nature. No one has that soft voice or that special sparkle that makes you who you are.

Building a Puppet Stage

2008-04-03T21:56:00.014-04:00

We took a tall, narrow cardboard box and cut large squares into each side, and the girls had fun painting it. Then we made sock puppets, and M & R put together a show with butterflies and dragon puppets, snails and moths.

Here is R, proudly painting her puppet stage. You can see K in the background, thumb in her mouth, looking a little tired.

M, busily painting her side.

And finally here is K, painting with her feet. And you can see the evidence that she painted her mouth. Again.

How to make Sock Puppets

Below you will see a striped dragon with pink wings and a butterfly.

What you will need:

old socks

googly eyes

felt

buttons

pom poms

pipe cleaners

glue gun

needle and thread

I am not going to give specific instructions because every different puppet we make has something different in the way it was designed. Most of the work must be done by the adult since the glue gun and the needle could be safety hazards, depending on the age of your child. However, the girls are the ones who design them. They have a big hand in deciding what they want (whether it is a butterfly, dragon, bat, or snail) and what colors they want it to be.

One time, M made a bat with green wings, a pink and purple polka-dot body, and a big red nose. It looked like a clown.

Putting on the Show

Telling stories with a real plot line is actually a very advanced skill. The child needs to be able to recognize story structure, including conflict and resolution. So I suggested that they make their show one of the Go, Diego, Go! episodes (basically, someone is in trouble and needs rescued). So they made various stories where their puppets were falling or in trouble and needed saved by the other puppets.

Foamie Door Hangers

2008-04-03T21:30:00.006-04:00

All right, I admit this picture is very sideways, but I think you can still see the general idea: a door hanger decorated with flowers.

This is a simple, easy project that we did with even our littlest 2 year old. In fact, the one displayed here is hers. By the way, she picked out her own pieces and placed them herself. The only help she needed was to peal the stickers off the back.

Things you will need:

sheets of foamie (or foamie door hangers)

foamie letters

foamie shapes (flower & friends or trucks & cars)

Instructions:

1) If you opt for sheets of foamie, cut your door hangers to desired size and shape.

2) Cut a hole on one end, big enough for the door knob

3) Peal the paper off the backs of the shapes and stick them on the hanger.

4) Turn the hanger over and decorate the other side (suggestion, put the child's name on one side).

5) Hang it up!

Pictures

2008-04-02T16:34:00.015-04:00

This is Mother's Day 2005, before K came along.

~ M, 2.5 yrs

~ R, 1 yr

Here are pictures of all three girls in Summer 2006.

~ M, 4 yrs

~ R, 2.5 yrs

~ K, 6 mos

This is February 2007.

~ M, 4.5 yrs

~ R, 3 yrs

~ K, 1 yr

Unit Study on Birds

2008-04-02T10:50:00.005-04:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing enough. It is hard to keep everything balanced between the different subjects. I do not have a curriculum like many other homeschoolers. We really could not afford one. I use my imagination and the library. We have a science curriculum and math workbooks. Everything else is resources that I found useful.

So I worry about holes in my plan. And it often seems as though I lose track of something. Like it has been a long time since we did science, although we did lots of writing and math. And other times, it seems like weeks since we pulled out our math workbooks. Now that is not to say we were not doing math as I used my own creativity to teach M adding and both M & R the concept of odds and evens.

On top of that, I am a working mom. A working mom who is about to lose her job to outsourcing. So I have been investing extra time in writing and in art, hoping to find a lucrative way to work from home. Can I find a way for my hobbies to bring in an income? Will it be big enough to support the family?

Then something happens like it did last night: my husband TJ pulled out one of our library books. TJ has taken over science lately, and he had decided to do a unit study on birds. So we all sat down on M's bedroom floor (well, K was already asleep), and we began to look at the pictures of different kinds of birds. The books were organized by category (wading birds, predator birds, large birds, flightless birds, etc.)

Now M has a crazy imagination, and she frequently makes up stories about animals that don't exist. Like hole hogs. Hole hogs are imaginary animals that have tales like beavers, antlers like a deer, and big ears like a rabbit. They are as big as bears and they build large underground dens. I went through weeks and weeks of detailed descriptions of hole hogs and all that they do, including how they take care of their babies, how they build their houses, and how they trapped snakes to eat them.

So when we began the unit study on birds, we started by tossing bird seed out by our back door. The winter birds flocked to our yard, and the girls got to watch them all day long. Then my husband got at least 25 books from the library, everything from field guides to story books. With the new topic of birds, M started making up a story about a "sweet sweet" bird that has fur instead of feathers. We were frustrated because she refused to accept facts over her imaginary world. How do you teach a child that all birds have certain characteristics (feathers, wings, beaks, etc.) when they make up an imaginary animal to defy all logic?

The book that TJ picked up last night was called DK Guide to Birds. And when we opened the book, M started telling me about a bird that does not have wings. (OK, here we go again!) Well, actually, there is a bird that does not have wings, and in fact, it has fur instead of feathers too. It is called the kiwi bird.

Surprise! Surprise! These bird books have sat in M's room for several weeks, and it looks like she has actually been reading them! She started flipping through the books, telling us about the different birds. We noticed a blue-footed boobie, which is a grey and white bird with bright blue feet. TJ said, "Look at this bird. He has funny blue feet!" M said, "Oh yes, he waves them at his mate to say hello." Sure enough, that is exactly what the text says.

We talked about partner birds, parasite birds, predator birds, extinct birds, endangered birds, big birds, little birds, flightless birds, and strange birds. M had so many questions, usually centered around the word "why." She was particularly moved by the extinct and endangered birds, and I had to explain why seabirds were harmed by oil spills. Of course, I also had to explain what oil spills were.

So after we left her at bedtime, she sat on her bed looking through the books. She has become so familiar with the books that she knows what books have which information, and which pages to go to in order to find what she is looking for. Her knowledge of birds has far exceded mine.

Some of the books she enjoyed most:

Birds

DK Guide to Birds

You Can't Lay an Egg If You're an Elephant

About Birds

Falcons Nest on Skyscrapers

I especially liked the Falcons Nest on Skyscrapers book because it is more story oriented. The book explains why falcons are endangered and what pains have been taken to restore the falcon population. Then it tracks two falcons who build a nest on the windowsill of a skyscraper. The office employees get to watch the two falcons raise their young through the glass.

Potty Training K

2008-03-26T16:48:00.002-04:00

K just started to potty train herself, and I am having visions of no more diapers. It has been almost six years now that we have had diapers and wipes as the top item on our grocery list. We would buy a big box from Sam's.

So how did this all start? I give credit to two older sisters because I know there is very little for which I can take credit. I had no clue what I was doing when I trained M, and my mother-in-law really was the one who trained R because I was too busy with a new born. With K, all I have done so far is put her on the potty on rare occasions.

It all started about a year ago. We do not have any training potties any more. We got rid of them in favor of a padded seat that fits on top of the big potty. It was easier with older children. So about a year ago, I set her atop this padded potty seat, and she would squirm off, frightened by her "precarious" position on a seat that has a hole. I did this about once a month, or maybe more like every other month. Over time, it did not frighten her, but she would sit for about half a second, maybe a whole second before she got bored.

The day before K's second birthday, she followed me into the bathroom, and a little light went on in her eyes. "Oh, that's why you sit there," she seemed to be thinking. So when I was done, I set her up there, and this time there was a determined look, as if to say, "I know what I am doing."

When she made tinkles for the first time, we celebrated, but the next day, I did not expect that she would inform me that she needed to go! She stood outside the bathroom, and when I tried to get her to go somewhere else, she said, quite clearly, "Potty." When I set her up, I realized her diaper was dry, and she made her tinkles right away.

Now, a few weeks has gone by, but she still gets up on the potty. She does not always have a dry diaper, nor does she often ask to go. But I am so pleased that we are moving in the right direction. This summer I intend to do what I did with M. I'll put her in a sundress and put a kid's potty right by the back door. If there is an accident while she plays outside, the mess is isolated to the outdoors, no reason to clean it up. And hopefully, her dress will be just fine. I'll just need to change her panties and wipe her legs. But the important thing is that she learns the discomfort of having an accident.

Rhyming Exercise

2008-03-26T16:42:00.005-04:00

Type this (or copy paste) into a word document and print it out for you child to fill in the blank with an appropriate word that rhymes.

Silly Rhymes

I saw a fish washing a ________________.

I saw a cat wearing a ________________.

I saw a bear combing its ________________.

I saw a star driving a __________________.

I saw a pig dancing a _________________.

I saw a mouse standing in my _________________.

I saw a clock holding a ___________________.

I saw a book hanging from a ________________.

I saw a bug sitting on a _________________.

Possible words:
car
hair
hook
hat
rock
house
slug
dish
jig

Unit Study on Russia

2008-03-26T16:41:00.001-04:00

My purpose in these culture lessons is to give the girls a feel for the culture and awareness of the country on the map. We put a large map in our living room, and we reference it with each lesson. The map is large enough (50 x 32) to take up a good part of a the wall above a couch, anything smaller would have been too small.

I started these Russia lessons with a book entitled A Child's Day in a Russian City. In this book, a young girl eats her breakfast of blinis (they're like pancakes) and goes to school. She also visits the market and the library. What I liked most is that this gave the girls a feel for what Russia would be like for a little girl just like them.

And then I have also covered food, art, and language.

Food

I like this book, Cooking the Russian Way. There is a lot of fun recipes, pictures, and cultural information related to food. I used this book for their recipe on blinis (Russian pancakes).

I also got a few recipes from this site: http://www.recipezaar.com/recipes/russian

My absolute favorite dish was the Apricot Lentil Stew. I have never had lentils that tasted so good, partially because it was slightly sweet with dried apricots and cherries added. I served it with Russian Black Bread that we made in our bread maker. The girls did not want to try the stew, but they gobbled up the bread. Tonight I am making this stew again. It was so tasty that I want to have it again, and sometimes kids need to see something a few times before they are willing to try it.

I also want to try Russian Cheese Piroshki (their like cheese dumplings) and Plov (a meat dish over rice, with more dried apricots and cherries).

Art

I liked this book Christmas in Russia , partially for the pictures and partially for the way it helped the girls relate to the people in Russia. We have something in common: we all celebrate Christmas. They build snowmen too. They decorate trees. They sing Christmas songs. However, they don't believe in Santa. Instead, they have Father Frost and the Frost Maiden. The book dedicates two pages to telling the fable of the Frost Maiden, so now the girls get a little of their folk lore.

From our library, we got Russian art books which had many pictures containing statues, architecture, and paintings. Russian architecture is very unique, with the domed roofs. One picture showed a close up of the tiles on the roof, and the interlocking pieces that make these roofs. I gotta say I was very impressed. One caption in the book said that one particular wooden church was made without any nails. How on earth did they do that?

Then we looked through some Chagall paintings. Now that was fun. We took it slow, pointing at all the details. R was the first to notice the violin with the girl's head, and both M & R laughed at the upside down houses and green faces. We read about how he traveled to France and lived in Paris, so our reading took us back to the map to find where France was.

Language

Now we have been learning a lot about Spanish, but I have not really exposed to any other languages other than through the Dora's World Adventure CD, that M plays again and again until we cannot stand it anymore. So, I wanted to expose them to what the language sounded like. Even though I have no intention for them to learn the language, especially since I myself have no ability to teach them, I wanted to dangle something before them see if anything strikes their interest.

So I found this musical introduction to Russian for kids, called Teach Me Russian and also Teach Me Russian and More Russian (this second one is a two pack which includes the original plus some more--so if you order the second one, don't order the first). The music is popular folk songs that our kids already know from our music collection. It included songs like "The more we get together" and "Oh Susanna" and "The Wheels on the Bus." They sing the songs in English and Russian.

I expected M to really like it (she's always crazy about experiencing something new and has shown a lot of interest in different cultures), but M was more interested in the music than the language. She ran to her room where she has her own CD player and put on her kids' music CD to the song "The More We Get Together." She blared it at full volume so the music in the living room and the music in her room could match.

It was R who loved it most. She wanted to listen to the Russian music over and over again, and when it was nap time, she wanted to take it to her room with her. It pleased me to see her enjoy something. She likes school, but other than art projects, she does not show much interest in some of our lessons

Finally Beating the Messy Bedroom Monsters

2008-03-24T16:58:00.002-04:00

In a previous post, I mentioned my struggle to get the girls to keep clean rooms, and I wanted to update on how we finally got them to understand what we expect.

First, we went to the store and bought one of those 5 drawer plastic containers. I realized that one reason that M had trouble keeping her room clean is that she did not feel there was a clear designation for everything. There was a big plastic tub for holding stuffed animals and dolls, and there were bookshelves for books and toys. And the drawer in her nightstand held her my little ponies, but there was new stuff that had no designated place.

Second, I let her "own" the responsibility. When we brought it home, I let her decide how to organize her toys. I said, "OK, what would you like to put into this drawer?" And she said, "My blocks." So we picked up all the blocks. Though she did not know it, this doubled as a math lesson: classification.

Oh, I was so pleased. I had not seen her room look so good in weeks! I finally conquered the mess!

Boy, was I angry when I found that every toy had been dumped onto the floor an hour later!

So after cleaning everything up AGAIN, I sat down with M and showed her how to play without making a mess. I said, "Let us pretend that we want to play with ponies." So I opened the pony drawer and said, "Now we don't need every pony. Let's just find the ones we want the most." So we picked out about five ponies. Then I said, "What do you want to do with your ponies? Do you want to build a stable for them or do you want a tea party?" So the ponies had a tea party, and when the tea party was done, we put the tea set away and built a stable. When that was done, we put both the ponies and the stable away.

I did the same thing with R, and both girls finally got the whole concept of cleaning as you go. For three or four weeks, the rooms stayed clean. I followed this up with a story I made up:

There were three little pigs. One little pig was so buys cleaning that she never had time for anything. She never got to play with toys because she was so afraid that the toys would make a mess, and she never got to make special crafts because she was concerned that the glue would get on the table.

The second little pig would start a project and never finish it. She would get out the paints, glue, scissors, and paper and never put them away when she was done. She would cook dinner and never clean up afterwards. Her table was full of old projects, and her kitchen full of dirty dishes. She had no room to do anything fun.

The third little pig loved to play and create new things, but she would always clean as she went. As soon as she finished her project, she put away her markers, crayons, paper and scissors, so she always knew where everything was and she had plenty of space to start something new.

One day, there was a art contest in the newspaper, and all three little pigs decided to enter the contest. The first little pig did not even start because she decided it was too messy, but the second little pig jumped in right away. However, it took her a week to find her scissors and when she did, she realized that her glue bottle had been left open and all the glue was dried out. Her markers were missing caps, and when she finally got all the supplies ready, there was no room at her messy table to do anything. In the end, she was not able to finish her project in time for the contest.

But the last little pig had a new idea just waiting to be made, and all her supplies were ready in the are cupboard. All the markers with their caps had been put away in the marker bin , and the glue bottle was carefully closed tight so that it would not dry out. The scissors hung on the scissor peg, and the paper was carefully stacked in a neat pile, sorted by color.

This made it very easy for the little pig to create the perfect project and send it in time to win the contest!

Making Masks

2008-03-20T14:48:00.005-04:00

Here is angel M, modeling mask #1, painted pink, blue, and purple, with a flower in the center of the face.

And here is R, dancing upon her bed while modeling mask #2, painted pink and green.

Supplies:

Paper plates

Tempera paint

Elastic

Stapler

Steps:

(1) Cut shapes for eyes and mouth and nose. (done by adult)

(2) Paint designs on paper plates and let them dry. (done by child)

(3) When plates are dry, attach a strand of elastic to the plate with a stapler. (done by adult)

Now child can safely wear mask. If you are concerned about the staples, cover them with tape.

The Big Question: Socialization

2008-03-05T16:50:00.005-05:00

Countless times I have heard the question, "But what about socialization?" And I want to respond, "And what about Columbine? Were those shooters appropriately 'socialized?'" Schools did not teach them kindness or forgiveness. Actually, really it was the school system and the other children that made them bitter and full of hatred.

Someone else said to me, "But how are you going to keep your kids from being annoying?" I went to school, and I had many classmates who were annoying. School did not make us "cool." Somebody somewhere is going to find us annoying because not every personality jives with every other personality. That is just the way it is, so why worry about this? Who cares about the popularity contest?

Someone else was concerned about our children not having the ability to stand against peer pressure and being able to make the right decisions. However, experts say that it is those children who have strong relationships with their parents that face these problems and say no to drugs and sex. It is self-confidence, instilled by a loving parent, that gives a child the ability to turn away from those things. The antidrug campaigns on TV say, "Talk to your children because parents make a difference."

So school does not magically make a person "socialized." In fact, I really feel like it does the opposite. I cannot remember where I heard the quote, but someone once said that there is a difference between socialization and socializing. Socialization is the process of learning appropriate social behaviors, and socializing is the opportunity to mingle with other people.

Where in life are you going to be stuck in a place where there are 30 other people just like you, same age, same race (usually), etc.? School is a "false" social arena because you are not often faced with diversity, different ages and different cultures.

In life, there are many opportunities to socialize. Church, family get-togethers, the neighborhood children, the local park in the summer, the play area at the mall in the winter, and play dates with friends are some of the ways that we find ways to socialize. The fact is that you really cannot stop children from socializing unless you lock them up. Children are naturally more outgoing than adults. Children do not see race or status. They just enjoy playing even when they do not know their new friend's name.

However, socialization is a careful and determined plan that a parent teaches their children on appropriate, mature behavior. Many of my parenting articles are meant to teach children socialization skills. Children need opportunities to face conflict or to make new friends, but even more, they need a chance to look back at those moments with their parents and see things from a new perspective.

M tells me about playing with her friends, "This little girl said that I was not allowed to play with this other little girl." So we talked about it: how it made her feel, how she should handle it, what she should say. Another time, she came home from a play date with a new attitude problem that we needed to discipline, and yet another time, she faced someone telling her that she was trouble. We had to show her that she was not trouble, and she felt renewed in her self-confidence, ready to face another social outing.

R comes back from the park, saying she did not make any friends, and we talk about how to make friends and what to say and do to be friendly. The next time we go to the park, she exults by telling me, "Mommy, I made three friends."

With both girls, I find that is much easier to correct the negative input from others when I can invest more into them than others do. Other children can be quite nasty in how they treat others, and children need time to recover from bullies and verbal abusers. I teach them something new about how to act and then give them another opportunity to face the social arena again.

Here are some of the important character traits a child needs to learn to be mature adults someday:

(1) how to recognize and deal with their own emotions

(2) respect for others, including others' space and possessions

(3) self-respect as well as self-confidence

(4) kindness towards others

(5) problem-solving and conflict resolution

(6) autonomy

Dealing with Emotions

Learning to recognize emotions comes from receiving empathy. The parent gives a name to the child's emotion: "So you feel disappointed that things did not work out the way you had wanted."

Learning to deal with emotions comes from discipline. For example, the parent gives direction, "I do not like you hitting your sister when you are angry. If you are upset, I expect you to use words to tell her what she did that bothered you. I want you to say, 'I do not like you taking my toys.'"

Teachers do not have time to give students individual instruction on dealing with emotions. With 30 kids to juggle, how could a teacher identify each child's emotions and instruct them what to do with it?

Respect for Others

Rather than expecting my girls to share, I expect them to respect each other's space. Learning to deal with siblings is training ground for the social arena outside our homes. If your children learn to respect that person who they must deal with day in and day out, you can be sure they will know how to respect others as well.

I love it when the girls share, and I praise them for it. However, I feel that if I force sharing upon them I rob them of the opportunity of knowing what it is like to be generous. Also, sometimes a person needs to feel like they have something special of their own. It gives them a sense of security.

Self-Respect/Self-Confidence

We use appropriate praise (describe what we see, describe how it makes us feel, give the behavior a name), for example, "I see that you used a lot of colors and patterns in your picture. It is so cheerful to see so many colors. Now that is what I call creativity."

One day, M said, "I am scared that I am not pretty." This was a new statement, and I figured this came from someone praising her with non-descriptive praise. Non-descriptive praise actually leaves a person feeling insecure. Imagine being told that you are smart, but not knowing what you did to earn the praise. What do I have to do to earn that status? Will I do something to lose it?

So I said to M, "You have sparkly hazel eyes and long, flowing hair. Your smile makes me want to smile too, and your nose is cute when it scrunches up. That is what I call very beautiful." I have never heard her express concern about her looks again.

Another way to give self-confidence is to avoid labels. People are not a label. People are deep, and their whole beings are so much more than a label that we could give them. I encourage my children to see themselves as anything they want to be: a dancer, a musician, a singer, an artist, a storyteller, a superhero.

Kindness

You learn to be kind by experiencing kindness. This requires teaching by example, for an act of kindness can touch a child's heart in ways that nothing else can. Buying a child a balloon or giving them a piece of candy or a kind word teaches them what it feels like to have something special done for them.

Teaching by example must be followed up with discipline. R came to me saying, "M said that nobody loves me." I handled this two ways. First, I said to R, "What do you think? Do you think nobody loves you." She got a big grin and gave me a big hug and said, "You love me." I said, "Who else?" She said, "Daddy and Jesus." I said, "That's right." And she trotted off secure in the knowledge that she is loved.

Then I went to deal with M's teasing, something that she recently picked up from someone else. I said, "I do not like you teasing your sister. That is not a nice way to treat her. I expect you to treat her with kindness." Lately, she has been telling me that she does not like R, so I acknowledged that is how she feels. "You do not like R and you prefer to be with K, but I still expect you to be kind to her." Now the term kindness could be relative, so I defined what I expected. "That means I do not want you to tease her by telling her that nobody likes her, and I don't want you telling her that you do not like her. You can keep that to yourself."

Resolving Conflict

You do not need to go outside the home to find battlegrounds for children to learn how to problem solve and resolve conflict. Siblings have tons of conflicts in the course of one day, and there are also conflicts between parent and child that also need resolved. Children should be allowed to resolve their own problems. Parents should step in when bodily harm needs to be prevented, but otherwise, children should work it out between them. This gives them the strength and the understanding and the imagination to face issues both outside the home and in their adulthood.

Autonomy

Because we are home schooling, I go out of my way to give autonomy. For a while there, I would dress the girls, put them on the potty, wipe their bottoms for them, wash their hands, clean up their plates from the table, clean up all their toys, and put away their dirty clothes for them. I had to remove myself from the bathroom to get them to do the whole potty thing on their own, and I had to institute their own chores and responsibilities.

I would use discipline to push autonomy and praise to reinforce it. And in the end, they are dressing themselves, going potty on their own, washing their own hands, cleaning up their own rooms, and taking their own plates to the table.

The other day, I was eating my breakfast. Everyone else had eaten, except me and M, and M wanted another piece of toast. From the dining room, I gave her instructions on how to put her bread in the toaster and how to butter her toast and sprinkle cinnamon & sugar on it. I was so proud of her when I saw how she had even cleaned up after herself, putting away the butter, the cinnamon/sugar shaker, and her knife.

And now M & R has started to volunteer to help make dinner, and K (just turned 2) has started to potty train herself. And now my hands gain the freedom to find new hobbies and to actually keep the house clean!

Words to Build and Empower

2008-03-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

The other day, M finished a project, and when she finished and I had praised her for a job well done, she asked, "R could not do it?" Well, R had done it and had actually done it very well, but that was not the point.

Instead of coming to R's defense, I merely said, "That is not the point. This is not a competition. What matters is that you can do it, and you did it very well. What R can or cannot do has nothing to do with you."

How often do we compare ourselves to others? We think we must be wonderful if we can do something better than someone else, or we think we have no value if someone can do something better.

We teach our child to envy when we compare them to others and make them compete against each other.

M&M's for Math Skills Review

2008-03-03T00:10:00.002-05:00

M&M's are useful for learning 1-1 correspondence as well as practicing other math-related skills. The girls had some leftover M&M's from Christmas, red and green colors, so I took the opportunity to review some of our previous math lessons. First, we classified the candy by color, and I asked, "Which has more, the red or the green?" So we lined up the colors, side by side. Whichever color had more, they could eat the extra candies.

Then M counted by two's, something that R does not do yet. Then we made patterns. R's was a simple red-green pattern, while M's was three greens followed by two reds. Then we would eat some.

Once we were down to just a few M&M's left, we would subtract. It is easier to build the understanding of adding and subtracting when you work with smaller numbers. Visually, the child can see the subtraction process when you eat 2 M&M's when there were 5 left.

Math Activities: One-to-One Correspondence

2008-02-27T16:06:00.011-05:00

The concept of one-to-one correspondence requires two skills: (1) matching pairs and (2) comparing sets. Matching places two like items together as a pair while comparing determines which set has more or less. In these projects, the key is to focus on the language, emphasizing mathematical terms.

Books to Read
The following books teach one-to-one correspondence using stories. I love the impact a story has on a child’s understanding, and these books do a great job of packaging the mathematical ideas in a way that young children can comprehend.

Two of Everything: A Chinese Folk Tale by Lily Toy Hong
Knots on a Counting Rope by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault
Seaweed Soup by Stuart J. Murphy
A Pair of Socks by Stuart J. Murphy
Missing Mittens by Stuart J. Murphy
Monster Musical Chairs by Stuart J. Murphy
Just Enough Carrots by Stuart J. Murphy
Some Things Go Together by Charlotte Zolotow

Projects to Learn Matching
Project #1 – Take opportunity to point out situations where there is a matching set. Word emphasis: match, even, pair, each.

“There are three cups and three straws. It is even.”
“Three children and three cookies. It is a match!”
“A pair of socks for your feet. One foot for each sock, and one sock for each foot.”

Project #2 – Provide the following items and allow the children to sort into pairs. Word emphasis: pair, match.

1 ice cube tray
2 screws
2 washers
2 electrical circuit binders
2 matching butterfly clips
2 matching hair pins
2 pennies
2 matching buttons

Project #3 – Have a tea party with stuffed bears. Set one place setting for each bear. You could say, “One seat for each bear, and one bear for each seat.” Word emphasis: each.

Project #4 – Serve a lunch with matching shapes to make their own snacks. I used cookie cutters to cut the bread, cheese, and lunch meat into matching shapes. I provided at least two different shapes so that they would have to find the match in order to build their sandwiches. Word emphasis: match.

Project #5 – Play the memory game. Word emphasis: pair, match.

Project #6 – Get the kids involved in the laundry. The kids can sort socks and match outfits. Word emphasis: pair, match.

Project #7 – Sort through shoes or mittens to find their matches. We have a pile of shoes in storage for the kids to grow into and a box of mittens put away for the summer. Jumble them up, and have the kids sort them. Word emphasis: pair, match.

Project #8 – Have the children set the dinner table. Give the following instructions, “Set one plate, one fork, and one cup for each person.” Word emphasis: each.

Projects to Learn Comparing
Project #1 – Take opportunity to point out situations where there is not enough or there is too much to go around. Word emphasis: more, less, fewer, even.

“Oops, I grabbed one straw too many. There are three cups and four straws. There are more straws than cups.”
“We have six chairs at our table, but only four people in the family sitting at the table. That leaves two empty chairs because there are more chairs than people.”
“Today we have company, so we have eight people and only six chairs. We have fewer chairs than people, so we will need two more chairs.”
“Three children and four cookies. There are more cookies. If I eat one, it will be even.”

Project #2 – Invite the children to collect toys to put inside two hula hoops. Then count to see which hula hoop has more toys and which has fewer. Ask, “Which set of toys has more? Which set has fewer?” Word emphasis: set, more, fewer, even.

Project #3 – Pour two cups of water and compare the volume. Which cup has more? Which has less? Word emphasis: more, less, even.

Project #4 – Make sugar cookies and put chocolate chips on the frosting. Compare two cookies to see which has more chocolate chips. For an added lesson, determine how many chocolate chips need to be added to make them even. Word emphasis: more, fewer, even.

Overall Approach and Focused Lessons

2008-02-25T11:27:00.002-05:00

We recently looked at our state legal requirements as M will be in first grade next year. This upcoming school year will be our first "formal" homeschooling experience. It is not that this year was not real homeschooling; it is that I determined that kindergarten would be a trial period. If I could not do it and work too, then we could just say that we held her back a year.

So looking at the state requirements, I began to think ahead to what we would cover over the next year. With this in mind, I write today on our overall homeschooling (unschooling) approach.

READING, WRITING, AND LANGUAGE
I do not cover every subject in the course of a day, or even in the course of a week. Instead, I focus on skills I want them to learn to prepare for the future. I once heard someone complain about their kid's school: they spend one week on a math concept, and before the kid has mastered it, they are on to the next skill.

It is not that we do not do other lessons other than the skill that we currently learn, but the other stuff is "life." Art, music, and reading are things we do to enjoy life, very much like playing. It is what kids do.

Right now, M's focus is on writing now that reading is doing so well. She still reads, of course, but I no longer have to sit with her and help her through it. So, to cover writing, I write the story, and she copies it. My purpose in this to guide her towards writing on the lines (this was a major problem) and towards learning to spell, and now I am using it for vocabulary words too. She loves to write so much that, to her, this is a fun activity.

R's focus is language. To prepare her to read, I encourage her to talk. Several times a week, I sequester myself in her room with her at bedtime, and the two of us read books together. Sometimes, I read, and we talk about the book. Other times, I encourage her to make up the story for me. We also have a game that we call "The Floor," which teaches them not to interrupt and to take turns talking. We play this game at dinner, and whoever has "the floor" gets to tell a story. Normally, she let's M do the talking for her, and this gives her the opportunity to talk and not be interrupted.

ART
So, we focus on one subject that seems to need work, and then we have lots of fun in other areas, like art and music and math games. Art is something that we do everyday. The girls have access to art supplies (markers, crayons, paint, chalk, paper), and they often make up their own projects. We got some craft books, so every few days, we do a more formal craft.

For Christmas, we got for the girls a lot of sewing kits and some wooden models in order to explore new areas of art, other than paper-oriented crafts.

MUSIC
Music appreciation is also a constant part of our day. Little Einstein's opens their eyes to great composers, and then they just about go haywire over that piece of music. Stravinsky's Firebird is one of their favorites. We also have children's music for them and they each have their own CD player that they are always listening to.

In the upcoming year, we have some plans to increase their music education by giving them access to some music programs on the computer and then to enroll them in some piano lessons.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION
Physical education is also part of being a kid. As long as they are not put in front of the TV, they will exercise, and we often take nature walks and ride bikes--when the weather is not so cold.

We intend to increase this by enrolling the girls into some YMCA classes: swimming, dance, and gymnastics.

MATH
Unfortunately, math fell by the wayside for a little bit of time as we focused more on language, but truthfully, I think that is only because I am still used to the typical school math curriculum, which is all paper oriented. What we do with math is focused on R, and so I use a lot of games and activities that I found in the Count On Math book. We justed started chapter five, which is about one-to-one correspondance, and I doubt we will be on the topic long because M & R seem to both have already mastered the concept.

At the same time, we have worked with M on adding. She did it on paper using a number bar, but I wanted to take her away from the paper and see it more visually. So I took eleven blocks and three pieces of paper. On one paper, I placed 1 block, and on another paper, I put zero blocks. Finally, on the third paper, I wrote "1 + 0 =" in one column and "0 + 1 =" in another column. We did that ten times, adding one more block each time, to help her understand adding by ones. The next day, we added by twos.

We also started using paper and objects to practice counting by 2's, 5's, and 10's. I would set blocks in groups of twos and have her count them, and then I would reinforce the lesson by writing all the numbers 1-20 and putting circles around the even numbers. I'd have her read the circled numbers, and then we would go back to counting the blocks.

We also have some math workbooks that we have not used in a while. Very shortly, M will focus on her workbooks instead of writing.

SCIENCE
Last summer, we spent a lot of time on science. It was a natural part of our exploration and part of our reading. We actually have a first grade science curriculum that we have worked more than halfway through. We have covered plants, animals, insects, and weather. I treat the book as more of an idea book. I get a few worksheets that the girls enjoy, which I use to introduce a subject, and it has some good book suggestions. But for each chapter that they offer a week's worth of lessons, we plunge into the topic for at least a month.

Right now, we are learning about birds because the girls expressed some interest in the topic. M was birdwatching and making up names for the birds she saw (she called one a "sweet bird" because it likes to eat sweet stuff, according to her), so we got out our old field guide and also ordered some books from the library.

SOCIAL STUDIES
Social studies includes history and geography as well as building an understanding of our world. We just went through the Little House in the Big Woods, which is great for learning about history and for seeing the world from a very different perspective.

Now we are about to embark on a new road: a study of the different cultures of the world. M has a Dora World Adventure CD that has music from many different cultures, so I will use that as a means to branch into this new area. We will post a world map on our living room wall, and then we will focus on each of the major countries. The map will be a reference point as we move from culture to culture.

We will start with Russia because that is where Stravinsky's Firebird takes place, and so the girls have heard of Russia before. I have ordered from the library books that cover art, music, stories, food, and even a little of the language too.

Facing Opposition

2008-02-25T11:06:00.003-05:00

Many people support us in our home schooling quest while others lecture us on the fallacies of our choice, and still others (grandparents) outright oppose us. Someone told us that we could not effectively discipline our children, that children need to learn that the world does not revolve around them and that they will only learn that by being one out of many.

In some ways, there is truth there. Children need to learn that they don't run the universe. In other ways, there is a big nasty lie in that message because learning that you are just one in a million does not teach you that you are not in charge. It only teaches you that there is nothing special about you and that blending into society, hiding in the masses, is the best road for life. Living by society's standards and getting by with the status quo is not the road to freedom on which our founding fathers built this nation.

Facing the opinions of others has been one of my most challenging homeschooling dilemmas. I faced it with the "I am going to prove them wrong" mantra and then overdid the homeschooling efforts until we all burned out. I really should not have allowed myself to be concerned. The appropriate response was to let it go and to carry on as normal.

So this last weekend, the grandparents came to visit. Memaw was quite impressed with our progress. She joined in with our art activities, and we talked a lot about M's progress, how well she can read, etc. We talked about R, and what she is doing too. Then Memaw talked about when TJ was young and how she taught him many things before he even started school. I did not say it, but she really was an unschooling mother. She told me how she never set out to teach him anything, but she answered his questions, which is how he learned to read and tell time before he even started kindergarten.

These last few visits, not one word of opposition has been said. The truth is we do not need to argue with opposers. When we procede as usual, the results will speak for themselves.

I think the one criticism most misinformed people state is "socialization." And I have met my share of annoying, bratty, "unsocialized" homeschooled children, especially when I was a kid. But I have also met my share of annoying, bratty, "unsocialized" schooled children as well. Being thrown in a school does not make you "socialized."

When my oldest was just a baby, I remember meeting one young lady who was homeschooled. Every time I spoke to her, it shocked me to think she was only 6. She talked with confidence, she looked you in the eye, she acted like an adult. She had no bigotry based on age as she seemed to think of herself as an equal--but not in a bratty way.

homonyms and compound words

2008-02-19T12:40:00.011-05:00

I mentioned before the writing exercises that we did as part of our lessons. These lessons were originally meant to build M's handwriting skills: to keep her words on a straight line and approximately the same size. This has been a great success, and so I started using this to build vocabulary and other skills. One thing I wanted to help her learn is about homonyms and compound words.

The following story uses the compound word "pancake" and the following homonyms: cent, sent, and scent.

Big Sister Dog and the Pancake
Big Sister Dog smelled the scent of a fresh pancake. It smelled so good that she wanted to have one, but it cost one penny. One penny is a cent, but Big Sister Dog had no money. So M sent her one cent. Then Big Sister Dog bought the fresh pancake and ate it all up. The End.

NOTE: You can replace "Big Sister Dog" with an imaginary friend of your own making and replace my daughter's name with your child's own name.

no labels, no comparisons

2008-02-19T11:44:00.003-05:00

There is this book that M loves to read. It is called Pip & Squeak, a story about two mice. Well, Pip and Squeak are brothers who live in the same house but cannot tolerate each other. Pip is an artist, and Squeak is a singer/songwriter. The two brothers are always saying things like, "My side will be cleaner than your side," and "My cart is faster than your cart!" Ugh. Finally, in the end, the two brothers realize that they can overcome their differences and work together.

Now let me tell you: I hate this book. I cannot stand reading it, even though she loves it. It is not because I have to read it over and over and over again, which as many parents know, that can be frustrating. No, it is the whole idea of labels and comparisons that makes me dislike the book so much.

After reading it one day, M said to me, "I cannot like R because she does not love to dance." I thought this was a crazy statement because R loved to dance since she could walk, but what bothered me most was the thinking that went behind this statement. These are the things she was saying with this statement:

(1) I can only be one thing (i.e. dancer, singer, artist, scientist, athlete, etc.).
(2) I cannot explore any of the areas outside by one label.
(3) I cannot be friends with anyone who does not share the same label as me.

When the children were little, I used to watch them to see their interests, and based on that, I'd give them a label. M was the artist (right-brained), and R was the analytical one (left-brained). I thought it was a compliment: what a great thing to be an artist, that's who you are, and what a great thing to be analytical . . .

However, people do not fit into categories like that. I am a software test analyst, that is what I get paid for, but that is not who I am. I am a mother, a wife, an author, an artist, a dancer, an appreciater of good music, a cook, a home educator, an eternal student, a Christian, a teacher, a thinker, a philosopher.

No labels. God does not look at us and see only a fraction of who we are. He sees every part of us, and he values our multifaceted personalities. We were made in the image of God. Just as he is a creator, builder, artist, musician, lover, friend, and father, so we are so much more than a label that we have accepted for ourselves.

So no labels. And no comparisons.

I might not be coordinated or naturally good at athletics, but that does not mean that I do not find any benefit in exercise. It is good for my health. It is good for my well-being. I have no intention of competing in the Olympics, but that does not mean that I should not pursue a sport.

I am not Mozart, but that does not mean that I do not bring value to the musical world. Someone may be able to play a piece of music technically perfect, but they cannot give it the same emotion that I can give. There is more to music and art than perfection, and no one else can capture my depth of feeling like I can. Someone might be better at scrapbooking, but I can scrapbook my pictures with more love than they can.

You cannot compare Van Gogh with Renoir. There is no value of one over the other. Sometimes Van Gogh had odd proportions and angles, but the vivid colors portray a world that no one else can imitate. Renoir used more sedated colors, but the romantic feel of the characters in his paintings cannot be matched by anyone. If every artist produced the same style or the same work of art, then there would be no reason to go to an art museum.

It seems kind of obvious why we should not compare children in a negative manner to another: "Your sister's room is always neat, but yours is always a mess. . . " Those kind of statements are painful. But statements like "You are always so much neater than your sister" can be just as destructive. The message is "I am valued only because of what I can do. I better make sure that I keep that status and hope that I am always better than my sister. What would happen if my room gets a mess? Or if my sister's room is cleaner than mine? Would they still love me?"

The fact is no one else defines us but ourselves. What other people do or do not do has nothing to do with our value. Just because someone else has curly hair does not mean that my straight hair is terrible. Just because someone else has darker skin, does not mean that my light skin is awful. If every woman looked the same, acted the same, talked the same, men would eventually be bored with women.

We were not meant to be carbon copies of each other. You cannot compare apples and oranges. You just cannot define yourself by who someone else is or by what someone else can do, whether you think they are better than you or worse than you. All you can be is the best you that you can be. You don't win the race by being first. You win by getting up in the morning, getting to the starting line, and running the race until you get to the end.

It is time to give our children the opportunity of living with no labels and no comparisons.

discipline vs. punishment

2008-02-06T14:31:00.000-05:00

I think of punishment as "I am going to make you pay." On the other hand, I see discipline as a means of teaching a lesson. The question is: what lessons are you teaching? Have you thought through what it is you want your kids to take to adulthood?

Mindless obedience is actually not a characteristic that I want my kids to have. Why? Because that is the road to giving into peer pressure. If you want your kids to say no to drugs, no to sexual predators, no to the teenage boy who wants to climb into the backseat, no to shoplifting, then you have to teach them something more than mindless obedience.

One of the marks of homeschooled children is their innovative minds. Homeschooled children, especially those that are unschooled, have not been forced to fit into society's mold. For schools to function, children must be forced to conform, but homeschooled children excel simply because they are allowed to ask questions in the classroom and explore new ideas. That is one of our purposes as parents: to teach our kids to soar.

And yet, we do not want to raise kids who have no ability to understand someone else's needs. Children need boundaries and consequences

Discipline Tool #1: The Statement of Disatisfaction

There are four things a kid needs to know when they have done something wrong:

(1) specifically what they did
(2) how it made you feel
(3) why it was wrong
(4) what they should have done instead

For example, "I do not like it when you leave your toys in the living room. It frustrates me to have to pick up after you, and someone could trip over this and get hurt. I would prefer that your toys stay in your room."

This gives the child a clear picture of what and why. One thing that can frustrate a child is not knowing what they did wrong and how they can fix what they did. One day, R was twirling in a circle with her doll flung out, and several times she hit or almost hit M with the doll. R had no idea that she had hit her sister, and when she got in trouble for it, she was crushed.

"I do not think she knows what she did wrong," I told TJ, and so he took the doll and illustrated how it could hit someone. Suddenly she was so happy because now she knew why she was in trouble. Next time she paid more attention to where she was standing when she danced with her doll.

It also gives them a way to make amends. When a child is punished rather than disciplined, the message is that there is nothing the child can do to turn things around. The ability to make amends helps a child grow and mature, but it also helps them step out of the position of being the "bad" kid. Making amends is a means of healing, and it gives the child a sense that they are not always bad, that they can do good things too.

This also teaches them to see things from another's perspective. We want our children to think for themselves, but we also want them to realize how their actions can hurt someone else. Knowing that they violated your boundaries or hurt you in some way builds an awareness for the needs of others.

Discipline Tool #2: Choices

I have a hard time doing this one because this requires a lot of creativity and quick thinking. You use this as a means to declare the consequences for their actions as a warning before you take action.

So you give them two choices, like "Either clean your room or I will confiscate your toys. Your choice." Or when you are on a walk around the neighborhood, say "Either hold my hand when we cross the street or we can go home. Your choice." I like adding the "your choice" at the end because it reminds them that they determine their own path but they do not get to set the consequences for your behavior.

Discipline Tool #3: Consequences

Life consists of natural consequences. If you jump off a cliff, you will fall down and will probably get hurt. If you do not work when you are at your job, you will get fired and won't get paid. If you don't study for your test, you will get a bad grade. If you don't clean up the kitchen, you won't have room to cook dinner. If you eat too much candy, you will get a stomach ache. If you spend too much money using a credit card, you will have too many bills.

How many times do we protect our children from the natural consequences of their actions? They spend their money on candy and then don't have enough for to buy that toy they have been wanting. So we buy them the toy. We bail them out when they get in trouble at school, or we bring them their stuff that they forgot. Or we clean up after them when they should clean up after themselves.

Letting them face the consequences of their actions prepares them for the future. Imagine what it would be like to have someone always picking up after you, fixing your failures, intervening when you are in trouble, handling all your problems, and then suddenly you are on your own and you have to do it all yourself. As adults, our children will not have anyone to talk their boss out of firing them or their college professor out of failing them. If they don't clean up after themselves, there will no one to do it for them. If they waste their time, money, or resources, there will be no one to bail them out.

This is about taking action. Rather than being wishy washy parents, we move with a purpose. We set the boundaries. We hold the boundaries. We are not weaklings. You cannot walk all over us.

There are two ways where applying consequences can be hard: (1) for the soft-hearted and the guilt-ridden, it is easy to cave and (2) sometimes it is hard to know what the natural consequences should be. Thinking of discipline in terms of consequences may be a hard at first, knowing in any given situation what to apply. So let me give a few suggestions on ones that I had a hard time coming up with natural consequences for.

Acting out with backtalk, whining, or temper tantrums: If it was another adult acting out in this way, how would I respond? Generally I think I would avoid that person, thinking of them as annoying or unhelpful to my wellbeing. Therefore, the natural response would be to ignore the child who is acting out. However, sometimes I really don't want to hear it. The whining or the temper tantrum gets on my nerves, so I send them to their room.

Acting out is usually an attempt to get attention in a negative manner, and even a negative response fuels the behavior. Ignoring it rather than fixing it or punishing it works wonders, and they learn that they don't get what they want when they whine, backtalk or throw a tantrum.

Not cleaning up or taking care of personal items: There are two natural consequences, depending on the situation:

First, if you cannot take care of your stuff, then you should not have it, and it will be taken from you. Children need lots of chances to try again because that is how people learn, so if you take something away, I recommend a temporary basis. However, just how "temporary" is up to you. If your children have a pet that they are not taking care of and all of your efforts have not changed anything, then it may be time to get rid of the pet. However, maybe six months or a year down the road, you will get another pet.

Second, if you have not finished the previous activity by cleaning up, you do not get to participate in the next activity. It is a simple as that. One thing at a time. Finish what you started first.

Bad Manners: If someone does not say please and thank you, you are not going to want to do nice things for them. No one wants to serve without being appreciated.

Discipline Method #4: Problem Solving

Problem Solving could be its own blog entry all on its own, so I'll just describ what it is. I'll leave how to use it for another day.

This discipline method is often used for reoccurring problems. When you have done everything right and it is still a problem, then what? You sit down and have a brain storming session to figure out how to solve the problem.

We had an issue with M & R getting on the potty in time. We would say, "You are dancing around. I think you should get on the potty." They would say no, that they don't need to go. Then five minutes later, they'd have an accident.

We set consequences that they knew in advance. We would also make them help clean up the mess. And we would express how much it upset and frustrate us. And it was still an issue.

Finally I sat down with a pad of paper and a pen. Why do we have problems going potty? Well, M did not want to go because she did not want to wash her hands afterward and she did not want to stop what she was doing. And R wanted someone to take her and wanted help getting on the potty and washing her hands (she is still a little short to reach the sink).

So we brainstormed and came up with some ideas,

a basket of books in the bathroom so that bathroom trips are not so boring
an interesting picture on the wall to look at
a container of wipes for washing hands
a step stool for R to reach the sink
someone (even M if mommy and daddy are busy) can take R to the bathroom

Does it work perfectly? Not always, but we are making progress.

However, the girls learn some important things with this. They learn that mommy and daddy are willing to sit down and listen to them and hear their perspective on discipline issues. That will be an important thing once they become teenagers. Rather than feeling like no one understands or that no one cares, they get the chance to come side by side with their parents and find ways to discipline themselves.

They learn how to work out their problems with others, how to handle confrontations, and how to brainstorm, all great skills that they will use for the rest of their lives.

Autonomy & Discipline

2008-02-06T13:19:00.000-05:00

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish are my favorite authors on parenting. They wrote several books that I love. One thing they said is that if you are frustrated, than you are doing too much and it is time to delegate. Boy, have I been frustrated!

I set up a morning and evening routine to teach the girls to pick up after themselves, which was rewarded with a quarter each time they complete one routine. This could add up to 14 quarters in one week, and I thought that if I pushed them to make these routines habits and they realized the reward they would eventually do it on their own.

Well, I spent more time walking them through their routine than I did taking care of my own responsibilities. After an hour and a half of putting them to bed (that includes helping them get on the potty, clean their rooms, get their pajamas on, put their dirty clothes in the hamper, brushing their teeth, and reading umpteen books), I had no energy to do my own chores.

So I finally realized that I should give them the autonomy to do their own routine. I sent them off to their rooms to clean while I did my own thing, and when I went to check on them, nothing was done. They were playing, and I honestly felt there was no reason that the chore could not be done within fifteen minutes.

So I started giving a timer with the consequences that I would confiscate anything that was not picked up within fifteen minutes. I warned them up front what the consequences would be. Wll, M & R both started cleaning up just their favorite toys and then telling me that I can take whatever is left.

"Okay, Mommy," they would say, "you can confiscate my toys now."

So I would confiscate whatever was left out. Although I warned them and they seemed fine with that, they got quite upset when we took some of their favorite toys that they had overlooked. For a few days, the rooms remained clean until they got their toys back from timeout.

M has a tendency to play with every toy she owns throughout the day, and when cleanup time comes, the task is excruciating. There have been days when she had hundreds of stickers, and I do mean hundreds. She got a sticker book for Christmas that contained 700 stickers, and she used every one in about two days time.

If I felt overwhelmed, I cannot imagine how she feels. No wonder she plays instead.

"This is overwhelming," I said. "Maybe you have too many toys. If it is not special to you, it is just clutter. That means you should let it go and only keep those toys that are really, really special."

So when it came time to confiscate again, she began to tell me which toys are no longer special to her and which she would like to give away. With less toys in her room, the mess became more reasonable. That is, until last night.

M & R played in M's room during nap time rather than being in separate rooms like they normally are. It was something we allow every now and then as a special treat. The end result was that they unzipped M's bears and pulled out all the stuffing, which they strew all over the room (they told me they needed it because it was the ice for the game). On top of that, they took out all of the paper doll dresses (there seemed like 100's of them). So there was paper and stuffing plus all of the other normal stuff all over the floor in her room.

Nighttime came and they wanted another sleepover, and I said, "Okay, if you can get everything cleaned up, I would be willing to let you have a sleepover. I will set the timer for fifteen minutes."

Fifteen minutes later, they had not picked up anything. Well, they would not have their sleepover, but I thought I would let them break this job into smaller tasks and give them a second chance. I said, "Pick up all of the paper dolls, and I will be right back."

When I got back, they still had done nothing. I picked up little R and put her in her bed in her own room, and I shut M in her room. Both girls cried and fussed, and I walked away. If I had stayed, they would have thought that they could make me change my mind, and the temper tantrums would have continued.

I came back later, once all the crying and screaming was over. By then R was already asleep, and M, although still awake, was no longer crying.

"I did not want you to give me advice," she said, referring to my suggestion to start with the paper dolls. "I wanted you to help me."

"It is not my job to pick up your toys," I said. "I already do many things. I do the dishes, cook dinner, etc. For example, I made you special pancakes for dinner tonight. But the cleaning up the toys is your job. I expect you to do it."

"But it is too much for me," she complained.

"If it is too much, then you need to consider how not to make such a big mess," I said. Then I confiscated all of the paper dolls, the stuffing, and whatever else was left.

This path to autonomy has been a major struggle. I could have cleaned their rooms myself in 5 minutes, but how does that prepare them for being an adult? It is not my job as a parent to make these 3 little girls into my clones, to turn them into perfect little replicas of myself that do not think or function on their own. It is my job to give them the tools to think and do for themselves, to prepare them to function in society.

We have had problems in the past with the girls wasting supplies, not cleaning up, and leaving everything for us to do. Art supplies were left out. Markers were put away without their lids. All the foam and felt were cut up into tiny unusable pieces. And the playdough was all dried out.

So the last three months or so, this has been my focus in my homeschooling program: autonomy and self-discipline. And I have been using natural consequences to reinforce these lessons.

If you cannot clean up the art supplies, you do not get to use the art supplies
If you cannot clean up your plate off the table, you do not get to participate in whatever activity comes after the meal.
If you cannot perform your morning routine, then you do not get to participate in the morning activities.
If you cannot perform your evening routine, then you will not get your allowance, and you will not get a bedtime book or sleepover.
If you cannot clean up your toys, then your toys will be confiscated.

The key to this is consistency. If you are not consistent with implementing the consequences, then they will not believe that there are consequences for their actions and that you will forget or will be too soft to stick with what you have said.

Early Reading Skills

2008-02-04T11:24:00.001-05:00

Before M learned to read, she would pretend to read by retelling the story from memory. TJ was impressed, but I was frustrated because I knew she was not really reading.

Now she can read, so I have moved on to teaching R how to read using the book Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. In conjunction with the reading lessons, I encourage her to tell me stories from books that we had just read. She is not comfortable with being put on the spot; she is so afraid to fail that she does not want to try. So I said, "Well, let's make up a story to go with these pictures." And that makes her feel more secure. She can make up the words rather than read it perfectly, and I get to see things from her perspective. I get to learn a little about her mind works, what parts of the story meant something to her, and how she sees the world around her.

R is a bit young, but she handles the reading lessons very well. She knows each of the individual sounds that have been covered so far, but anytime she is asked to string sounds together to sound out a word, she acts distracted or just plain refuses to cooperate, sticking her thumb in her mouth. I began to realize that this is purely because she wants to do it right the first time, and if she is not 100% confident that she does not know the answer, she does not want to try.

So I began to alter my approach just a little in order to remove all pressure from her. Whenever the reading lessons tell me to say, "Now you sound it out," I say, "Now we will sound it out." She can hear my voice as I blend the sounds, and she can blend her voice with mine. Suddenly her cooperation abounded, and when we are done with one lesson, she asks for another.

R sometimes feels shy and sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of a busy family. If TJ and I did not make the effort to single her out for special moments, she would never be heard. I do my lessons with her at bedtime as part of tucking her in, reading her stories, and giving her kisses. Since she has her own room now, there are no interruptions from her sisters, and I have the opportunity to talk to her and encourage her to open up.

Now I see that M's pretend reading was a great tool to build language skills, confidence, and self-esteem. Last night, I shuffled up R's nighttime routine a little, and all we did was read books together, encouraging her to talk as much as possible.

Classifying Animals

2008-01-31T10:47:00.000-05:00

For science, we had a first grade science book that covered such topics as plants, animals, bugs, seasons, weather, simple machines, and space. Each topic came with a worksheet or two and a few ideas to expand the lessons. So each topic could possibly take about a week or two.

However, we are doing more of an unschooling approach, and I only used this curriculum as a jump board to dig more deeply into a topic. I liked the worksheets, and so did the girls. So, to supplement, I used a lot of ideas from the Janice VanCleave's Play and Find Out series, which contains activities for ages 4 to 7 (although my 3 year old enjoyed the activities too).

When we got to the part on animals, my 1st grade science curriculum taught how to identify mammals, and that was about it. So I found these wonderful science story books that describe each animal group. The books are easy for a young child to read and understand, pinpointing the specific physical characteristics that identify an animal as being part of a specific group. For example, the book on amphibians describes the cool, moist skin and the stages of life as well as several other aspects that all amphibians share.

We would read one of the books, and then I would follow that up with a poster board project. I bought a used school book from Half-Price Books that contains tons of real life pictures of animals. We would cut out the pictures from whichever animal group that we were working on and paste them on our poster board. Then I would write some comments like "baby amphibians breathe under water with gills" and "adult amphibians breathe air with their lungs" and "amphibians have cool, moist skin."

Added to this activity, we raised tadpoles last summer, and we got to watch as one slowly lost his tail and eventually jumped out of the water. R used to carry around imaginary baby puppies, and she would say that her imaginary puppies were so little that they did not have their legs yet.

We also raised some crawdads, and it was cool to see when one of them shed his skin. Before shedding his skin, Houdini (he kept trying to escape) had only one claw as the other was broken, and one of his antennae was also broken. After molting, both the claw and the antennae were restored but were just a little smaller.

We also captured a caterpillar, watched it grow and make its cocoon, and we kept a bug house for crickets . With all of these hands on activities to supplement the science curriculum, the girls really learned a lot about different types of animals.

One day, M made the comment that turtles are reptiles, and my husband TJ (a science major in college, by the way) was not so sure, thinking that they might be amphibians. Nope, they are reptiles as they lay their eggs in the sand and the babies hatch fully formed, and they have scaly skin rather than cool, moist skin.

Chapter Books

2008-01-28T13:56:00.000-05:00

We just got Mary Poppins in the Kitchen and several other children's cookbooks to get the girls interested in cooking. The Mary Poppins Cookery Book was a story and a Cookbook, and M sat entranced as I read the story. Each chapter was only about three pages, but there was only one picture per chapter. Even R sat for most of the story before she ran off to go play with K.

After reading the Mary Poppins Cookery Book, M wanted to use her special night to make cupcakes, which we decorated with smiley faces. She ate one and then set two aside, one for herself and one for R, and the next day, she spent all morning telling R about the "special surprise" that she made for her.

Curious to know what she would do with chapter books, I got Little House in the Big Woods, which I discovered to be a splendid book for social studies as well as reading. We sat down to read the first chapter, which described many of the fall times preparations that the family had to perform in order to survive for the winter.

M said, "Well, if they run out of food, they will just have to go to the store." Daddy said, "Remember what the story said earlier? There was nothing around for a whole week's or even a month's journey." She sat quietly contemplating that. When I was done with chapter one, M ran off with the book and started trying to read it to herself.

Last night I read chapter two to both M & R, and even R sat through several pages. Finally R asked, "Where are the pictures?" And I said, "You are supposed to make pictures in your mind." So I started talking a bit about the story, comparing Pa to Daddy. "Pa would pretend to be a wild dog, and sometimes Daddy pretends to be a bear and growls and chases them. Pa has blue eyes, but what color eyes does your daddy have?" I asked.

"Brown!"

R commented, "Our house does not have a gun." And we talked about why they needed a gun and why we do not have one.

The story describes wilderness life in such detail, that I am learning so much: from making cheese & butter to storing vegetables and meat. And two little girls are mesmerized. We only read half of Chapter 2 last night because they jumped up and started running around the room, pretending to be mad dogs.

Nothing Teaches Math Like Cookies

2008-01-24T15:23:00.000-05:00

About six months ago, the only number that R could recognize was the number 3 because that was how old she was. We found this out when we bought some preschool math workbooks, and R really struggled with the simplest exercises. So I began my campaign for toys and activities that would familiarize her with the numbers. This was before I found the Count on Math book that I use now.

One game was something like hopscotch. I took the cushions off our kitchen chairs and used masking tape to make the numbers 1 to 5. Then the girls jumped from one cushion to the next, saying the numbers as they go. It was a great way to combine exercise and math.

Then I found some cookie cutters shaped like numbers, and we made sugar cookies and gingerbread cookies in the shape of numbers. I tried to say the numbers as many times as possible while we cut out the cookies, and I had her arrange the cookie cutters in order before she started cutting them. Then she was exposed to the shapes of the numbers when we decorated the cookies and again when she ate them.

Lauri Toys has several puzzles that help teach numbers. The Number Play puzzle and the Number Puzzle Board and Pegs help the child to associate the number shape with the same number of items, but I think I like the Number Express the most. The girls love trains.

Language Game

2008-01-24T15:04:00.000-05:00

On the drive home yesterday, M & R learned how to play "I Spy." It is a great game to help build descriptive language skills. Believe it or not, it is not easy for 3 year olds and 5 year olds to describe something. So what skills can this game build?

language
observation
problem solving
spatial awareness
pre-reading skills

R's descriptions went something like this: "I spy a hat." or "I spy a white car!" or "I spy a big house!" However, by the end of the car ride, her descriptions became a little more complex (she dropped the noun so that she did not give the answer away and started using a few more adjectives), and she actually started guessing some of the answers. As our car ride took forty five miutes, she had a good amount of time to get the hang of it.

M, being a little older, described things by color, shape, texture, position, and even by the letter with which the item started. A box was no longer just a box; it was something that was brown, made of cardboard, and you can play inside it. K's boots were no longer just boots; they were brown with little fuzzy balls on them.

Suddenly, the world had developed a whole new dimension of possibilities for two little girls. The most mundane objects were now something interesting to describe.

Power of Empathy

2008-01-22T13:36:00.001-05:00

As human beings, we have no right to own another’s emotions. Offering advice is bragging that you know the perfect way for them to solve their problem, and offering sympathy is selfishly putting the focus on yourself (i.e. “Yeah, I know how you feel. Let me tell how that same thing happened to me...”)

On the other hand, empathy is acknowledging someone else’s emotion, giving the emotion a name and a valid place in that person’s situation. Empathy says that your emotions are your own and I will not change them. This is grace and respect that all people need, including little people.

One day R was throwing a fit because she had stated that she wanted Daddy but it was Mommy who came to get her. I could have argued with her, reasoned with her, or spanked her, and from past experience, I know what that would have gotten me. So instead, I said, “It is really frustrating when you are not heard.” The temper tantrum stopped immediately. She slowly nodded her head. I continued, “How about I get you out of your seat and give you to Daddy?” She nodded again.

Now, empathy does not mean that all actions are acceptable, but it acknowledges that I do not have the right to control you through emotion or twist your emotions by my own desires. Someone once told me that the best way to deal with a temper tantrum is to ignore it, and empathy goes hand in hand with that idea. Empathy gives a person room to work out their feelings in their own time.

When M met her first bully, she acted out a lot, and in some ways, she exhibited the same behavior that had been dealt to her. For about a month, I tried to "fix" the problem. I tried to reason with her. I tried to coerce her. I tried to punish her. And finally I said, "It really hurt to be treated like that." And I walked away. Within a week, she had forgiven, she had made friends with the bully, and she was praying that God would let the "bad girl" know that she loved her. She worked all this out, and she did it without any help from me.

Sometimes we as parents just want our kids to be cooperative, which means we do not want to deal with their negative feelings. Sometimes as parents, we feel guilty when our children are unhappy. Sometimes we think we need to create a bubble to protect them from any negative feeling. Sometimes we just want things to go our way. So we either try to force them or coerce them to feeling what we want them to feel.

But when we do this, we prevent them from learning some very valuable lessons. Emotions are the very make up of our being. Made in the image of God, we are emotional beings. Throughout the Bible, God got angry, jealous, hurt, upset, sad, etc. And so do we. We can either bottle up those emotions and push them away (harden our hearts) or we can learn to deal with them. And in the same way, we can force our children to have the emotions we want them to have or we can teach them how to deal with their emotions.

It is an important thing for a child to know "this makes me uncomfortable and I need to get out of here and run for safety." The book Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family gives a story of a teenage boy who suggested to a young girl that they play a toe licking game behind a tree. The girl, feeling uncomfortable, ran home. Her mom, the author of the book, was thankful that she had taken the time to respect her daughter's feelings.

However, just because any emotion is permissable, not actions are. Children should be taught that certain behaviors (throwing things, hitting, disobeying, etc.) are not acceptable ways of expressing how they feel, and they should also be taught that just because they want to have something or do something they will not always get it.

There was a young girl at our family Thanksgiving gathering who did not want to go home at the end of the day. Her mom had her hands full with the baby brother, and the dad was begging the girl to come over and get her coat on. The grandma tried to help by suggesting that it would be scary to be left behind with Uncle Tom, and Uncle Tom pretended to be a scary bear. None of this worked.

Finally I got up and asked for the girl's coat. I went to the girl and said, "You really don't want to go. You are having so much fun with your new friends, and you don't want to stop playing. I think your friends are going to miss you too." While I said all this, I got her dressed and ready to go. Without any more fuss, she left with her parents after saying goodbye to her friends.

There were two things I did: (1) empathy and (2) action. I acknowledged what she was most likely feeling, something that I am sure I would feel if I was having fun, but I moved her in the direction she should be going. Just because she did not want to go did not make it acceptable to ignore her parents.

Now does this always work? No. It has to come from the right attitude. If I use empathy as another means of coersion, they are going to sense it. First, we have to truly let go of any way in which their emotions affect our emotions. There can be no guilt, no frustration, and no pride on our part that can be attached to any emotion that they may have.

For example, there have been times when I feel guilty when they are sad or upset, or I feel frustrated when they want something that they cannot have or I cannot give them. Just as their emotions are their own, our emotions must be our own too.

Then we have to watch what we say:

"It is just a paper cut. It doesn't hurt. Don't be such a baby."
"See, there are no monsters in here. There is nothing to be scared of."
"Don't be bothered by what your brother says. He is just pushing your buttons."
"Don't whine. I can't help it we don't have any waffles right now."

Then we have to learn to replace those statements with simple statements that observe the child's emotion:

"Paper cuts can really hurt."
"You are really concerned that there might be monsters in your closet."
"It really hurts you when he says those things about you."
"You really love to eat waffles for breakfast! I wish I had some for you today."

The child walks away from this feeling (1) I have been heard and (2) my feelings are okay, but you will be shocked on how much easier these situations are to handle. From personal experience, I am familiar with what would happen if I said "that doesn't hurt" when the child had a boo-boo. They would have thrown a fit to illustrate just how much it hurt. And if I say, "You can't have waffles because we don't have any," my toddler would scream for them. No amount of reasoning would make her understand. And dismissing the pain caused by insults would only get me some sulking or yelling.

Today, when I am able to do empathy the way that I should (and admittedly I am not 100%), things move more smoothly in our home. I just got to remember: it is not about control.

My husband overheard this conversation between M & R:

R: It hurt when you stepped on my hand. I want you to say you're sorry.

M: I am sorry.

R: I forgive you.

Little Einsteins

2008-01-21T22:02:00.000-05:00

Of all the children's videos out there, I am most impressed with the Little Einsteins. The stories illustrate great pieces of classical music. My favorite (as well as the girls' favorite) is the Rocket's Firebird Rescue, based on Stravinsky's The Firebird. It is a ballet that tells the story of Kastchei who seeks to destroy the Firebird, and the Little Einsteins seek to rescue the Firebird from the cage where Kastchei holds the Firebird captive.

The videos build knowledge of music terminology like crescendo and allegro. They learn about instruments, tempo, art, conducting, singing, and ballet, but the most significant thing they gained was appreciation and awareness for music. After the girls watched Rocket's Firebird Rescue, we got the music. We put the CD in without telling M & R what it was, and when they recognized the music, they started jumping with excitement, in time to the music.

In Little Einsteins - Our Big Huge Adventure, Beethoven's Ninth Symphony tells the story of the life cycle of a Monarch butterfly, which gives them some science as well. The 4 kids help a caterpillar get to the musical tree where it forms its chrysalis, and once it emerged, they helped the new butterfly migrate south.

M & R beg to watch these movies over and over, but even little K who is not even two yet loves to sit and watch them too.

Parenting Tip: Date Night

2008-01-16T14:49:00.000-05:00

In a household with three young children, ages 1 to 5, it is so easy to overlook the needs of one child. Or actually, it is easy to overlook the needs of all the children. Diapers, potty accidents, refilling milk cups, library and doctor visits, grocery shopping, preparing three meals a day, breaking up fights, and finally getting them all down for naps or bedtime can consume hours of activity without actually giving that personal moment of attention that a child needs to feel special, unique, loved, and wanted. And oh yeah, did I mention your own bathroom breaks, food needs, and downtime? You gotta take care of yourself too, or you will not be fit to parent.

We took a tip from some friends of ours who have more kids than we do. They establish a weekly date night, and the kids take turns on who gets special time with Mommy and Daddy. The nice thing about this schedule is that after each girl gets her Tuesday night date, Mommy and Daddy get there night together to put girls to bed a little early and have some time for just the two of us.

Our Date Night is on Tuesdays, and last night was R’s night. Sometimes R gets overshadowed by an older sister who has more advanced language skills, and sometimes she gets overlooked with a younger sister who gets into everything. Date night is the perfect opportunity for us to single her out for special activities, and we have noticed how much more confident and secure she seems when she gets this attention.

The night started with M & R working on their wooden model kits with Daddy, and when they were done, M went to bed and R started drawing. She is not able to write yet, but she created stories to go with all of her pictures. This was an opportunity for us to encourage our timid, tender-hearted girl to talk more freely, so I listened attentively to her stories about being captured in a net and Mommy coming to save her. She described all the items on the pictures and explained to me what each thing was.

We stapled her pages together to make a book, which she then added “words” and then read the words to me.

Then we had a reading lesson from the book Teach Your Child How to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. We are on lesson 12, and she is learning to string sounds together to make words. When her sisters are awake, it is hard to get her undivided attention because she wants to play, but she got really excited when she learned that lesson 13 starts to have pictures with stories that she gets to read.

She drank hot chocolate with marshmallows and reread her picture book to me, and when she finally went to bed with some story books, there was a big smile on her face, and her little eyes were shining with joy, knowing that she is truly special to us.

Lessons using Stories of Big Sister Dog

2008-01-15T20:03:00.000-05:00

M does two things on a near non-stop basis: (1) tell stories and (2) talk about Big Sister Dog. Big Sister Dog has been her imaginary friend for well nigh a year now. Big Sister Dog is blue with rainbow eyes. She has a long neck so that she can eat the clouds, and she is a super hero dog that rescues baby dogs and children.

So after learning how to read using the book Teach Your Child How to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, M started writing stories, sounding out the words and writing the sounds she heard. I wanted to coach her to write evenly across the page, and I wanted to improve her spelling without getting her bogged down with spelling lessons. She is only 5, and I think that can wait until 1st grade.

So using special writing paper designed for preschoolers, I wrote several stories using the imaginary character Big Sister Dog. I put a title on the first page so that it would seem like a real book, and I wrote every other line so that she could have space to copy my words. Then, I left the backs of every page blank so that she could add pictures.

This accomplishes several things without me hovering because that seems to squelch her desire to write:

(1) drawing letters legibly
(2) learning word order, spacing, sizing, and keeping everything on a straight line
(3) writing the words of the story with proper spelling
(4) developing language skills with a fresh story that interests her
(5) using creativity by illustrating the stories herself

Here are two of my stories. You can replace Big Sister Dog with a character of your own.

Big Sister Dog and the Tornado
One day there was a tornado. The fire chief called Big Sister Dog to rescue some baby dogs from the tornado. When Big Sister Dog arrived, the tornado was coming close. Big Sister Dog was not scared. She just opened her mouth and swallowed it. The tornado did not hurt her. It just made her grow taller and stronger. The End.

Big Sister Dog and the Missing Bone
One day, Big Sister Dog lost her bone in the forest. She sniffed all over until she caught its scent. The trail led up the mountain to a dragon lair. The dragon was chewing the bone. Oh no! Big Sister Dog tried to back up, but she tripped and made a loud noise. The Dragon said, "Please share my bone with me." So Big Sister Dog and the Dragon were friends forever. The End.

Math Skills for All Ages

2008-01-15T11:35:00.001-05:00

The first chapter in Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds contains many activities for exploration. I went into this first chapter thinking I had failed my children in giving them the most opportunities to develop their minds, so I started filling our time with these activities as if we were on a race against time.

I planned all these things and got very frustrated when things did not go as I wanted. "My kids need to explore!" I thought. Or what? Something bad will happen? For one of the activities, I collected jar lids, but nobody was interested in the lids except K (1 1/2 yrs old). I gathered rocks and spread them out on the table, but M & R said to me, "We want to play with beans." Beans was another activity recommended in the book, but we had done that one already.

Then one afternoon, I gave K a paper cup to carry around the backyard with her. She filled it with 2 rocks, a stick, and some flowers, and then brought it back to me to show me what she had found. She was exploring, on her own, without any intervention from me. As long as I did not plop her in front of the TV, she would be exploring, and thinking back to the games M & R used to play, they were always exploring too. In the spring when I planted my flowers, M & R spent hours filling buckets with dirt and transferring the dirt from one bucket to another.

So if exploration happens, what do we need the book Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds for? Many of the activities are so simple that they do not need any extra planning, and we normally have the tools and supplies needed already on hand. So I built a loose framework by putting notes in a text document in a table format. If we needed something to do, I would scan my notes, grab an activity that we could do easily, and mark it off my list.

What I found was that with this easy framework, I could get all three girls involved in learning the same skills using many of the same activities.

Exploration
While M & R wanted to explore beans, K played in the dirt, and they all loved to play with the water toys and explore water.

Spatial Awareness
M & R had their obstacle course and colored pictures that were taped to the bottom of the coffee table while K played hide and go seek in the closets. Then they all had fun together with building forts and playing pirate with the coffee table turned upside down as their boat.

Classification
M & R had already talked much about eye color and classifying the different members of our family by eye color. M has hazel eyes like Mommy and Grammy while R has brown eyes like Daddy and Memaw, and K's eyes are blue like Papa's. So it was very easy to expand this classifying, especially as we were learning to classify animals for our science lessons.

Patterns
We are currently studying patterns. M likes making up her own patterns. She uses blocks, people, and words. "Is that a pattern?" she will ask. And I take every opportunity to point out patterns to R, who at 3 1/2 is still just grasping the idea. And I started an action game with K, "Clap, Clap, Roll [your hands], Put your fingers up high, Reach down and touch your toes."

So the book Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds has a lot of fun activities that can be applied to ages 1 to 5 and helps you develop a lot of fresh ideas in keep children busy and active.

More Lessons on Sharing

2008-01-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

There is another reason, a deeper reason why sharing should not be forced. Children are miniature adults. They are people with their own feelings, their own personalities, and their own preferences. So the question begs to be asked: How would you feel if the governing bodies of our nation forced you to share?

You just got a new car. It's a brand new Hummer, and all of your neighbors want to take a spin in your car. If this were a socialistic society, you would be told that you do not have a right to something so wonderful and that you must share with your neighbors. And oh yeah, now that you have a new car, you do not need that old one anymore. You will have to give that one away for free to the neighbor who does not have one.

Well, this is not a socialistic society, and if our government tried to play that game with us, we would be up in arms. We would be protesting on the streets, yelling, "What about my rights?"

Does a child feel any differently about their personal possessions? And who are we as adults to rob them of the rights of their own personal space and property? Just because they are smaller does not give us the right to decide when they will share.

R got a new set of toy pans for Christmas. They were shiny and just the right size for her. She loved these pans as she has played with them every day since. Within an hour after opening them, her baby cousin discovered that they make a lot of great noise when you bang them together and that they feel very good on sore gums.

R was not happy about her cousin playing with them even though she was playing with other toys at that time. She was worried that she would lose them forever or that they would get broken. Panicking, she tried to get them back, but the adults who were cooing over the baby told her, "Oh, just let her play with them." They did not even bother to look at R when they dismissed her concerns and feelings.

Because they did not even look at her, they did not notice how R was devastated. She felt completely helpless to the all powerful adults who treated her like she did not matter. The message she received that day is that her baby cousin is more important and more loved and valued.

Between siblings, this could become a source of resentment. In fact, it had been a source of contention in our house. R had a major problem with her little sister K for the longest time. She would scream every time K even came in the room, for fear that K would run off with her toys or knock over her building blocks. I would always say, "K is a baby; she does not understand."

Now, I say, "K, that is your sister's doll. Let's go find your doll." The changes have been slow as R needed to learn that she really was secure, that Mommy and Daddy really would defend her. It used to be that M & R could play well together, M & K could play well together, but R & K would fight. However, it's a real joy to see R & K play together now.

The other day, R was upset to find K in her room. Upset to be kicked out of R's room, K came running to me, and I said, "That is R's room." Very shortly, R came up to K with one of R's favorite toys and said, "Here, you can play with this." This act of sharing was completely on R's own volition. That is what makes the act so special, that she willingly chose to share.

Math Skill: Spatial Relationships

2008-01-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

The girls had to go
around the chair,
over the couch,
under the coffee table.

Then they crawled
through the kitchen,
over the gate,
under another gate.

Then they jumped
down the hall,
into a basket,
out of a basket.

Finally they came to the playroom where they found cookies on a plate.

Sounds like a lot of fun, but what does this have to do with school?

When we started home schooling, I thought I would teach M & R the same level at the same time. One girl had just turned 5; the other was 3 1/2. Kindergarten for both would work out just fine. M & R both knew the alphabet, could both count to ten, and both recognized their shapes and colors. R likes to be just like her big sister, and sometimes we forget that she really is almost 2 years younger.

Our first attempt at math was to get kindergarten workbooks, and M flew through the book. However, R could not recognize her numbers, let alone draw them. Plus, she struggled with following directions because she did not understand what was expected of her. I realized then that R was her own person with her own educational needs. I could not lump her into M's lessons. So I went looking for a "non-paper oriented" math curriculum.

Knowledge is valuable, but it does not mean anything unless you understand what to do with the knowledge. You can recite the numbers 1 to 10, but that does not mean that you can count a group of toys. So I wanted games and activities that build the understanding before they build the knowledge.

I found Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds, a book that builds many pre-math skills, and hundreds of simple, easy activities fill its pages. M & R could both do the projects and benefit, not even knowing that they were learning.

Each chapter covers a different skill and contains more than 30 activities for each skill. These skills include (but not limited to) the following:

Exploration
Spatial Relationships
Classification
Patterns
One-to-One Correspondence (prepares for division)
Ordering
Numbers
Shapes
Adding
Subtracting
Telling Time

Order Count on Math: Activities for Small Hands and Lively Minds online now!

A Lesson in Problem Solving

2008-01-10T09:59:00.000-05:00

Ever had to mediate between two children who are arguing over the same toy, and you find that there is no way to solve the problem without more fussing?

This happened to us recently over two angel shirts. One was blue with rhinestones and had no size label, and the other was white with flowers and was a size 5. The rule is that size 5's go to M and size 4's go to R, so I put the size 5 in M's closet and the other in R's closet.

But M wanted the blue angel shirt with the rhinestones, and I was called upon to intervene. However, my attempts to solve the problem did not work. I stated the rule that applied, "It is R's shirt and she does not have to share."

Why don't we make them share? Two reasons:

(1) There is a more important lesson I want them to learn, and that is respect. By supporting the child who does not want to share, she learns what it feels like to be respected, that her personal space and personal belongings will not be violated, and she grows in confidence and feels safe in her environment. At the same time, the other girl learns an important lesson in giving respect to someone else.

(2) Being forced to share robs you of the opportunity to do so of your own free will. Sharing is not really a generous offer unless you do it because you want to, and forcing them does not help them learn to share. It only steals away the joy of giving. I find that the girls are more willing to share freely when they feel secure.

So I applied the rules to the situation, but M was still throwing a royal fit. I really wanted to just give her the shirt to make her stop whining and crying. Finally, I used a tool that I learned from Siblings Without Rivalry, which I had never bothered to use because I really did not think it would work.

This is what I said, "M wants the blue angel shirt, and R also wants the same angel shirt. The shirt belongs to R, and she does not want to share. But you two could talk it out and make an agreement. Maybe R could wear it on Mondays and Wednesdays, and M could wear it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am leaving the room, so let me know what you decide."

I was frustrated enough that I thought it would be better to not even be in the room. I went to the kitchen where I could hear a lot of screaming from them, and I thought, "This isn't going to work." I was tempted to go back in there and just confiscate the shirt, but instead I started making lunch. A few minutes later, M came out and said, "We decided that R will wear the white angel shirt and I will wear the blue one."

I think my jaw dropped to the floor; I had not even thought of that solution. I don't know who learned more: me or them! I learned that I don't have to be the mediator every time, and they learned how to problem solve for themselves.

You can order Siblings Without Rivalry: Help Your Children Live Together So That You Can Live Too through my e-store.

Reading Lessons

2008-01-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

I tried the “whole word” method of teaching my girls to read, but I found that they were only pretending, memorizing the story and repeating what they remembered based on the pictures.

Then I tried a book called Reading Reflex, but the girls looked at me as if to say, “I do not understand. Just tell me the answer so that I can make you happy.” And I got frustrated with myself because I could not find any other way to explain.

I picked up this book Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons out of desperation. My husband told me that M was fascinated by the pictures, and so I gave it a try.

The lessons include the following:
· Saying words fast and slow
· Rhyming
· Individual sounds
· Stringing sounds together
· Reading comprehension
· Writing

The book contains word for word what the instructor should say to the student. At first, I did not like being told what to say, and I did not like the special text that helps a new reader to adjust. However, the results speak for themselves: after 50 lessons, M is reading at a 2nd grade level, and she is only 5 years old!

She astonishes us every time she says, “Mommy, I saw a sign that said…” or when she picks up a new book and only needs help with a few words. On her own, she began to write her own stories, sounding out the words and writing the sounds she hears. Not everything is spelled correctly, but the more books she reads and the more stories she writes, the easier the stories are to read.

How We Got Started

2008-01-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

I was home schooled for seventh and eighth grade, the two best years of my entire schooling experience. Being a very introspective child, I got lost in the schoolroom, but when my parents brought me home, I flourished, both socially and academically.

Believing that home schooling really was the best possible education, I dreamed of home schooling my own children, but trapped by jobs, my husband and I did not see how it was possible. I worked while TJ was the stay-at-home dad. How would I ever have the time?
The truth is that I was scared of failure. Whenever I would make an education plan, nothing would ever come of it. Considering myself to be disorganized, I believed that I just did not have what it takes. It has taken me five years of child rearing to finally realize that the planning method was at fault rather than that I was incapable.

The year that M turned 5, I was ready to give up, prepared to send my oldest off to school. The very idea of giving up my dream broke my heart. However, then M met her first bully, and it crushed her. We knew she just was not ready.

We determined that kindergarten would be our trial run. If it did not go well, she would only be held back a year; no harm done. This time I refused to be crippled by over planning. We jumped in with both feet, determined that something was better than nothing.

At first, I thought I would just do preschool / kindergarten for both M and R at the same time, thinking that they were at the same level. We sometimes forget that R is almost two years younger. They could both cite the alphabet and count to 10, and they both knew their color and shapes and could recognize the letters.

Not having the money to buy a complete curriculum, I began by making up games, printing coloring pages off the internet, and ordering books from the library. I read many books on “how to home school” and on “home school styles.” I studied activity books, science books, math books, and tried several different reading programs until I found what really works.
I quickly learned that M and R had very different educational needs. R could recite the numbers one to ten, but she did not understand how to use the numbers nor could she recognize the printed number, and where M had the attention span to learn to read, R just needed the opportunity to have someone read to her and discuss the stories at her level.
So I had to tailor the activities for the needs of each child, and thus I ended up doing preschool, kindergarten, and first grade all at the same time. Some activities were meant for R, but M enjoyed the fun too. Other activities were meant for M, and R had the opportunity to glean whatever she could understand.

Being that I was still working, I relaxed my approach, building a framework of learning rather than a strict lesson plan. Using a table with 12 subjects listed across the top, I kept track of what we did for each day of the week, and I kept file folders with lists of possible activities for certain subjects like science and math. When time came for lessons, I would check off an activity from my pre-made lists and mark it on my weekly tracking table.

Over time, I began to find not just good resources, but great resources. This is web site is meant to document what was most helpful for us.