Teaching Safety Rules: Stranger Awareness

One day two years ago, M put a plastic bag over her head, thinking it was funny. I reacted poorly, panicking, yelling. She had no clue what she had done wrong, and being hurt by my reaction, she did not listen to my explanations. Thus I learned that I need to talk to my children about safety issues BEFORE it becomes an issue.

Talk about Safety
My lesson for them have been two-fold: (1) you are important and (2) your safety is important. So I would talk about WHY we wear seatbelts, WHY we don't play with matches, WHY we don't put plastic bags or pillows over our heads, WHY we don't run into the road, and WHY we wear helmets when we ride bikes. The idea is that when they are older, they will choose to be safe because they believe they are important and that their safety is important.

Now fast forward to the present, and my girls are asking to play in the front yard. Last year, I let them play in the front yard with supervision (i.e. I weeded and planted my flower beds while they rode their bikes). I told them where their boundaries are, and I watched them listen to the rules.

1) They stayed out of the street.
2) They did not go past the light post to the right or the street corner on the left.
3) They kept their helmets on while they road their bikes.
4) They yelled at the other kids for riding bikes in the road and not wearing helmets.

I learned that I can trust them. They have proven that they are safety conscious and are willing to listen to the rules. That kind of responsible behavior should be rewarded with trust and expansion of boundaries.

Build Autonomy One Small Step at a Time
I read this article from Free Range Kids, and I gotta say I agree 100%. Except that my kids are still too young to roam free. My oldest is only five. And I also gotta say I have felt so safe with our backyard fence. I know where they are, and I like that. It will be scary to say, "Okay, you can ride your bike around the block." I dread that day, but someday they will be off to live life on their own. Someday, they need to know how to survive without me.

However, you can't just keep them safely by your side one day and then send them off to face the world the next. There is preparation. So slowly, I expand their boundaries as I see that they have learned the lessons I have taught. Now that they play in the front yard unsupervised, I have added an important lesson: dealing with strangers.

Isn't that what scares us all?

Roleplay Dangerous Scenarios
So, we roleplayed scenarios while we sat around our dinner table. I am the stranger, and I say, "Hi kids. What's your names?" So they tell me their names, and I offer them candy. They say, "No thanks." I offer them a ride in my car, and they say, "No thanks." I say "No, now is the time to run away screaming. A stranger should never offer you a ride in their car."

So we played through many scenarios, including being lost, being offered candy, being offered a ride in a car, being invited into someone's house, or being touched by a stranger. And of course, there were good strangers too, ones that did not offer candy or invite them into their houses.

We also talked about trusting our emotions. My husband told them, "If you feel scared, then maybe there is a reason. You should trust that feeling." We got to illustrate this for them when my husband felt a little concerned about someone who was watching our kids play. He said to me, "Something did not feel quite right. Should I warn the girls?" I said, "Yes." So he told them what he saw and how he felt about it. So they learned that even daddies can feel scared and it is okay to trust that feeling.

The other important lesson I wanted them to learn about strangers is to stay with other children and to watch out for each other. Safety in numbers. If M & R are together and they are with their friends, slimeballs will stay away. So I talked to them about this too, that they watch out for their sisters.