More Lessons on Sharing

There is another reason, a deeper reason why sharing should not be forced. Children are miniature adults. They are people with their own feelings, their own personalities, and their own preferences. So the question begs to be asked: How would you feel if the governing bodies of our nation forced you to share?

You just got a new car. It's a brand new Hummer, and all of your neighbors want to take a spin in your car. If this were a socialistic society, you would be told that you do not have a right to something so wonderful and that you must share with your neighbors. And oh yeah, now that you have a new car, you do not need that old one anymore. You will have to give that one away for free to the neighbor who does not have one.

Well, this is not a socialistic society, and if our government tried to play that game with us, we would be up in arms. We would be protesting on the streets, yelling, "What about my rights?"

Does a child feel any differently about their personal possessions? And who are we as adults to rob them of the rights of their own personal space and property? Just because they are smaller does not give us the right to decide when they will share.

R got a new set of toy pans for Christmas. They were shiny and just the right size for her. She loved these pans as she has played with them every day since. Within an hour after opening them, her baby cousin discovered that they make a lot of great noise when you bang them together and that they feel very good on sore gums.

R was not happy about her cousin playing with them even though she was playing with other toys at that time. She was worried that she would lose them forever or that they would get broken. Panicking, she tried to get them back, but the adults who were cooing over the baby told her, "Oh, just let her play with them." They did not even bother to look at R when they dismissed her concerns and feelings.

Because they did not even look at her, they did not notice how R was devastated. She felt completely helpless to the all powerful adults who treated her like she did not matter. The message she received that day is that her baby cousin is more important and more loved and valued.

Between siblings, this could become a source of resentment. In fact, it had been a source of contention in our house. R had a major problem with her little sister K for the longest time. She would scream every time K even came in the room, for fear that K would run off with her toys or knock over her building blocks. I would always say, "K is a baby; she does not understand."

Now, I say, "K, that is your sister's doll. Let's go find your doll." The changes have been slow as R needed to learn that she really was secure, that Mommy and Daddy really would defend her. It used to be that M & R could play well together, M & K could play well together, but R & K would fight. However, it's a real joy to see R & K play together now.

The other day, R was upset to find K in her room. Upset to be kicked out of R's room, K came running to me, and I said, "That is R's room." Very shortly, R came up to K with one of R's favorite toys and said, "Here, you can play with this." This act of sharing was completely on R's own volition. That is what makes the act so special, that she willingly chose to share.