no labels, no comparisons

There is this book that M loves to read. It is called Pip & Squeak, a story about two mice. Well, Pip and Squeak are brothers who live in the same house but cannot tolerate each other. Pip is an artist, and Squeak is a singer/songwriter. The two brothers are always saying things like, "My side will be cleaner than your side," and "My cart is faster than your cart!" Ugh. Finally, in the end, the two brothers realize that they can overcome their differences and work together.

Now let me tell you: I hate this book. I cannot stand reading it, even though she loves it. It is not because I have to read it over and over and over again, which as many parents know, that can be frustrating. No, it is the whole idea of labels and comparisons that makes me dislike the book so much.

After reading it one day, M said to me, "I cannot like R because she does not love to dance." I thought this was a crazy statement because R loved to dance since she could walk, but what bothered me most was the thinking that went behind this statement. These are the things she was saying with this statement:

(1) I can only be one thing (i.e. dancer, singer, artist, scientist, athlete, etc.).
(2) I cannot explore any of the areas outside by one label.
(3) I cannot be friends with anyone who does not share the same label as me.

When the children were little, I used to watch them to see their interests, and based on that, I'd give them a label. M was the artist (right-brained), and R was the analytical one (left-brained). I thought it was a compliment: what a great thing to be an artist, that's who you are, and what a great thing to be analytical . . .

However, people do not fit into categories like that. I am a software test analyst, that is what I get paid for, but that is not who I am. I am a mother, a wife, an author, an artist, a dancer, an appreciater of good music, a cook, a home educator, an eternal student, a Christian, a teacher, a thinker, a philosopher.

No labels. God does not look at us and see only a fraction of who we are. He sees every part of us, and he values our multifaceted personalities. We were made in the image of God. Just as he is a creator, builder, artist, musician, lover, friend, and father, so we are so much more than a label that we have accepted for ourselves.

So no labels. And no comparisons.

I might not be coordinated or naturally good at athletics, but that does not mean that I do not find any benefit in exercise. It is good for my health. It is good for my well-being. I have no intention of competing in the Olympics, but that does not mean that I should not pursue a sport.

I am not Mozart, but that does not mean that I do not bring value to the musical world. Someone may be able to play a piece of music technically perfect, but they cannot give it the same emotion that I can give. There is more to music and art than perfection, and no one else can capture my depth of feeling like I can. Someone might be better at scrapbooking, but I can scrapbook my pictures with more love than they can.

You cannot compare Van Gogh with Renoir. There is no value of one over the other. Sometimes Van Gogh had odd proportions and angles, but the vivid colors portray a world that no one else can imitate. Renoir used more sedated colors, but the romantic feel of the characters in his paintings cannot be matched by anyone. If every artist produced the same style or the same work of art, then there would be no reason to go to an art museum.

It seems kind of obvious why we should not compare children in a negative manner to another: "Your sister's room is always neat, but yours is always a mess. . . " Those kind of statements are painful. But statements like "You are always so much neater than your sister" can be just as destructive. The message is "I am valued only because of what I can do. I better make sure that I keep that status and hope that I am always better than my sister. What would happen if my room gets a mess? Or if my sister's room is cleaner than mine? Would they still love me?"

The fact is no one else defines us but ourselves. What other people do or do not do has nothing to do with our value. Just because someone else has curly hair does not mean that my straight hair is terrible. Just because someone else has darker skin, does not mean that my light skin is awful. If every woman looked the same, acted the same, talked the same, men would eventually be bored with women.

We were not meant to be carbon copies of each other. You cannot compare apples and oranges. You just cannot define yourself by who someone else is or by what someone else can do, whether you think they are better than you or worse than you. All you can be is the best you that you can be. You don't win the race by being first. You win by getting up in the morning, getting to the starting line, and running the race until you get to the end.

It is time to give our children the opportunity of living with no labels and no comparisons.